I just want to be happy..

I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite some time now, does he annoy me sometimes (Alot of times 😂) yes, but overall our relationship is just the way it should be as it has been for nearly 6 years. It’s weird to explain but I’m not 100% happy. I can’t lie, I’m waiting for him to propose to me, as we’ve had the discussion for maybe the past year and a half now. It’s almost feeling the make or break for us now, and I mean he’s gotta know. I’m struggling to be happy in my own relationship because I want THAT commitment, I’m longing for that next step and it’s just..

NOT HAPPENING.

I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I secretly resent him. I hate when he talks about buying the most expensive things after he’s told me that he couldn’t afford a 1000$ ring I showed him I wanted. I hate that I try and distance myself. I hate that every single minor argument turns into a major argument because of this one underlying issue.

How do you straight up tell somebody you can’t be with them because they aren’t giving you what you deserve? I’m a damn good woman, a little crazy with my Gemini ass but TOTALLY worth it. He’s know I do/will do anything for him. But when he’s not moving as fast as you want him to (even though 6 years is long enough), does that really just mean I don’t deserve it?

Sorry for the long rant I’m just actually, weirdly... hurt by this 😩