Basically I’m confused as to whether this is something that’s actually valid to feel strongly about or if I’m overreacting.

A couple of years back I was FWB with this guy that I think was emotionally abusive but I honestly don’t know. He would constantly threaten to kill himself and would always tell me about all of the girls he was hooking up with, but when he found out I was going to a guy’s house he ignored me for WEEKS.

He would always bring me to the staircases at school and I wouldn’t really want to do anything but he would get so upset if I didn’t so I kind of just went with it. He couldn’t take no for an answer at ALL.

It was never THAT bad imo until one time when I told him that I really didn’t want to do anything because my anxiety was really bad and I hate when people touch me while my anxiety is bad. We got halfway down the staircase and he turned around to kiss me so I kind of laughed awkwardly and told him to turn around but he just kept walking towards me until I was pressed up against the wall. At that point I kept saying ‘no’, ‘stop’ and ‘get off me’ but he put his arms on either side of my body and I couldn’t move and he started kissing me and touching me and shit while I was trying to push him off until eventually I managed to get him off. He looked absolutely disgusted with me and then left and I had a panic attack.

He messaged me that night saying he was going to kill himself and he called me crying it was wild asf. And I WOUND UP APOLOGIZING BC I FELT BAD. I can’t walk through those staircases without wanting to absolutely cry anymore because it scares me that he could’ve gone so much further if we weren’t in a public space.

There were a lot of instances like this but that one was by far the worst.

I also told him that I wasn’t really comfortable having him do anything to me because I was so so so young and inexperienced but one time I got really drunk and he did it. I was drunk to the point where I don’t even remember much except me saying that it hurt and him saying that it was okay. Apparently I also gave him head that night which I absolutely don’t remember.

I need help figuring out what this is classified as because I genuinely don’t know if it’s valid to feel as upset as I am about everything that went down with him. What even is this?