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Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” It is actually less kind of you to be unclear with your friend about your needs. Is setting and enforcing boundaries hard? Yes. Absolutely. Is it necessary for a healthy friend? Yes. You could acknowledge her good intentions but let her know you’re overwhelmed with advice and will ask her if you need any. Before she visits, you could say you’re limiting visits to 20 minutes to make sure you stay well rested. Decide what you need and communicate it clearly
OVERBEARING friend- what would you do?
How do you handle friends who think they know best for you and baby? My best friend has LOTS of advice to give- mind you she’s not even a mom herself. I’m due in a few weeks and I’m nervous I’ll have to pretty much be a bitch so she doesn’t push her opinions on me or my baby. She thinks she knows it all because she’s the oldest of 5, but literally ALL her siblings have some sort of immune disorder/problem yet she tells me to basically keep my baby in a bubble for months which I DO NOT agree with.
I was in the hospital a few weeks back due to some complications, she came to visit which was great but couldn’t take a hint when it was time to leave and I wanted to just rest. I just KNOW she’ll be the same when I’m the hospital having baby + at home recovering. She got upset when I took my FIANCÉ/baby’s father to my last doctor appt and was upset when I wanted him to do the childbirth prep class with him and not her. I’ve been on bedrest since 34w from my doctor and now my doctor had cleared me to be allowed to start taking small walks and do more activities. Well she was not having that and pretty much fried telling me what to do and that I shouldn’t do that despite what my dr said. She thinks she will be in the delivery room, she thinks she’s basically moving in to help with baby when she’s born. She doesn’t agree with pacifiers and TOLD me to return them because she disagrees.
UGH, I can go on and on but it’s just so frustrating and hurtful as a FTM to not even get a chance to parent yourself, because you have people telling you that what you’re doing is wrong before baby is even here.
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I think she wants a baby too really bad (oldest of 5 here, always wanted to be a mommy) so she’s clearly exerting that energy on you.. if a friend made me that uncomfortable I’d probably ghost, just that’s my inclination. Sometimes you just need space. Maybe in your life right now she’s not the right friend for you. You need supportive friends.
You do have the chance to parent yourself. You need to set boundaries with her. She's seriously overstepping her boundaries but she thinks it's ok because you haven't told her otherwise.How things go isn't up to her. You have to tell her that. You have to tell her this is neither her child nor her pregnancy, her comments and unsolicited advice are incredibly rude and she needs to stop. You'll ask her opinion when you want it. She's more than happy to push you around, you're going to have to push make and assert yourself.
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