sooo I’m a freshman in highschool, I haven’t had many boyfriends or anything but at the beginning of the school year I started dating one of my best friends. well we talked for about four months and we’re together for one but during that time I cheated with my ex that I didnt even have feelings for. I still don’t know why I did it or even how I got in that situation. But eventually me and my boyfriend broke up for unrelated reasons and he still had not found out. We were friends for a while after but he began to act weird. Eventually I got him to talk to me again and tried to be friends. Then one day he asked me if I had ever cheated. I had lied many times before and tried to avoid it in my own head. I decided to pretend that it didn’t happen and keep it moving but I didn’t just simply cheat I had sex for the first time with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend. Finally I told him and he told me I was dead to him.

It’s been months, and I still feel guilty and terrible. I have dreams about his now girlfriend talking shit about me and him hating me. I told some of my friends and even they were surprised. I’m not the kindve person to hurt someone like this. It’s tore me apart but I get in moods where I just stop caring and act recklessly. Even after we broke up I was stupid enough to have sex with the guy a couple of other time. It didnt even feel good it felt like nothing. Now I feel like nothing. Sometimes I deeply hate myself and other times I don’t. I’m just trying to figure out how to get past it. soooo yeah I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in the same situation or at least with the same feelings.