I feel so defeated and hopeless because for two years my mom has been helping babysit for us. Im also a stay at mom. And since we’ve have to self quarantine, my hubby strongly recommended we all stay together in one house, he wiped the entire house with Clorox wipes and Lysol sprayed because he wants to take most extreme measures to ensure we are safe. This is because I’m pregnant and we have a toddler.

He asked my mom if she could stay with us since we have a spare room, food, supplies but my mom has a weekend job where she works with a friend to care for an elderly couple. When he asked my mom that she needed to pick one spot and securely be there to prevent any possibilities of being a carrier, she told me she’s committed to helping the other couple. I think she realized that because of that, she didn’t want to lose her independence too and also likes the other family. My husband also has a strong personality, type A, organized, serous and my mom also has a domineering personality and wants things her way. So that’s why she didn’t want stay with us. Also my mom wants to save as much money as she can since she’s getting older (she’s 59). But my husband said he could pay her rent in addition to her monthly pay during this time. Also in another note, my mom mostly helps me feed our son, carry my backpack, out away toys, fold his laundry. She doesn’t cook his meals, can’t drive, doesn’t read to him and when I ask her to join me for his therapy sessions, she says she’d rather stay in the car and nap. When I have her come for the sessions, she falls asleep, and when we go home and he sleeps in the car, I have to carry him because she says she has back problems and asthma. When he naps, she naps too while I clean and do house chores and basically it’s time for her to leave. And so my husband gets frustrated when he walks in sometimes and sees that she’s on her phone (not always) or if our son is playing by himself. Regardless of that, I kept her so she could get monthly money.

My husband then got upset and disappointed because he feels like family comes first. Keeping in mind, his mom is that way. His mom traveled from back East to help us with our first son with no expectations. So his family is always there for eachother. That’s why he feels like he’s been there for my mom because she immigrated from another country and for those two years, by having her babysit, we gave her ($1600/month) and my husband covered her portion of the taxes, I saved my apartment for her so she had a place to stay, we would buy her things from time to time, spent $700 to buy her a new iphone and added her on our phone plan so we have been paying her bill, anytime she had a dr appointment, my hubby always had me take her, also at her second weekend job, I enabled her to secure that job. I also just helped her file for her citizenship last week which is such a lengthy process from filling the paperwork, driving her to all her appointments during the times she’s supposed to help and most importantly, my husband went out of his way to wake up at 5am to babysit our son so I could drive her to her immigration interview even when he could have been working and despite not finishing on time, he asked his best friend to come help babysit just so we could make it. He also gave me his tax forms which immigration needs as proof we have been taking care of my mom. Eventually she got approved for her permanent residency.

Now, we just moved to a new house last week and my husband spent the past four days moving everything himself and was exhausted and still has an extremely stressful job and is falling behind. More so, he helps me a lot with our son. He makes all the meals religiously, shops, does laundry, cleans. And this is because this is his way he shows his love. He loves to cook. And now with all that’s happening along with an unpacked house, he feels like my mom is unreliable and couldn’t be there for us and decided he will never help us because he thinks what she did is selfish and even worse, the timing of Coronavirus when she says she can’t be stuck in one place, he feels like she used him/us- after helping with her paperwork, it’s like she doesn’t need us or be there for us at the time we need her most. Is my mom being selfish or are we being unreasonable? Does my husband have the right to be mad at her? I think this has severe led their relationship. Thanks for your honesty! 💔😭