I was assaulted in June of 2019. In the moment I was in disbelief I kept thinking “not me” and eventually gave up on pushing and hitting him. I blamed myself and felt like he could finish because I probably led him on by even going there in the first place. He kept apologizing and saying he couldn’t control himself and he would never force himself onto or into me again. I oddly felt the need to take my power back. I went and had sex again with him. (i know im an idiot and should of kept him

Blocked) I was extremely numb I felt no pleasure, no fear.. nothing. I had to talk to other women because I knew the behavior wasn’t normal. Some of them explained they done the same thing or was in denial that it was actually assault. I was just so messed up in the head I have no idea what I was thinking. After that day I honestly lost self control I started to not care about who I had sex with it meant nothing to me anymore. I was extremely hurt that someone could just take away my power entirely and treat me like I’m not even human. I fell deep back into a depression and considered restarting my meds.

I know some women aren’t able to have sex for awhile after but for me it was the opposite and I was using it to avoid coping with it. Idk if it was like that for anyone else or not. I wish I handled things differently and stayed in counseling. I just kind of needed to vent bc I have no one to talk to.