Am I developing an eating disorder? *TW*
I’ve been on a 700 calorie diet for 4 months now and It’s..interesting. My thinking has become less rational, I judge people for eating perfectly healthy foods and my brain is constantly working out the amount of calories in each food. I’ve been eating 700 calories but now I’m at a point where i don’t want to eat at all. I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt after eating the smallest amount of something.
I want to lose weight fast but I also want to maintain it so the rational part in my brain thinks “700 calories isn’t sustainable” but then I find excuses to not eat. Like, I’ll purposely have a bath so that it passes time and then be like “oh it’s 3PM, way too late for some lunch”
My heart feels like it’s struggling though, I can’t even walk downstairs without feeling faint and having heart palpitations. I’m scared of food, I’m scared of getting fat again. I don’t want to lose this control but I don’t want to make things worse for myself. The fear of gaining the weight back beats the quick term fix.
Please give me some advice? Im also on antibiotics at the moment which are literally making my appetite non existent so im having a packet of quavers a day. (Because it’s dry) and that’s all.
It’s worth mentioning that I’ll be TTC in a year or so (I’m 18) and that’s where all of this has come from. I want to be healthy and right now I’m fat and disgusting.