Whisper App Cheating

I have a unique issue, that I haven’t found any related topics on for the WAY he cheated.

My bf and I have been on/off for years. We never broke up from cheating, everything in our past was hearsay and childish. Finally, we had our first child and we were doing great. Right before new years we were moving into a mobile home of our own and we were renovating it before we moved in.

Well he went outside to take a smoke break while I was cleaning our front door. After a little while I realized he probably got distracted, so I peeked out our door to look at him... he looked innocent, but I noticed a white and purple screen on his phone... I observed for a minute before deciding I was being paranoid and decided to make myself known. As I walked outside I watched him turn his phone VERY quickly... I asked what he was doing, he said texting his friend. I asked him to show me, he took a moment and opened his screen to his text screen- not the purple and white one I watched him turn away from me... I asked him what app he was looking at, he denied it. I demanded his phone, and he said “you’re not gonna like it.” I told him I don’t care and to hand me his phone he was now clutching to his chest. Finally he hands it over because he realized there was no getting out of this. I grabbed his phone and upon opening his recent apps- behold there is the Whisper App and he’s sexting someone. I’m stunned. I message her back that this is his girlfriend and their conversation is permanently over. I back out and behold there are MORE conversations over the past two days ... at this point my heart sank. He’s never cheated on me before, so I was absolutely floored this was even happening.

I took his phone with me inside the house (we were kn the front porch) and slammed the front door before locking it. I read the conversations. They were all sexual fantasies. Nothing about meet ups- just role play. I would read some and cry. Read some more and cry harder. Our daughter was asleep in the living room in her pack n play, oblivious to all of this. He started beating down the door to get in the harder I cried. Eventually he realized this would be futile, and (I assume) did the only sensible thing he could do to get inside- he broke in through a bedroom window. He tried to approach me and I told him through tears not to f’ing touch me. I still had his phone. He picked up our daughter and held her crying and apologizing to her because he KNOWS I do not tolerate cheating. We always said “if you cheat, I am done” to each other, so I am absolutely torn here. I go into our future bathroom and cry asking myself what I did wrong, why am I not enough, and tons of other why’s... I threw his phone at him (not enough to kill him, I just didn’t want to be near him) the I grabbed my keys and daughter and left for thirty minutes to call my two best friends who know him well and are stunned to hear what’s happened. They cry with me, and ask what I want to do. I tell them part of me wants to leave, but we were always so good and now that all past issues have been resolved and we have a daughter I thought we were good... I don’t know why. I don’t know what happened, but I am crying. They give me their love and support, and I head back to the trailer. He is on the porch steps with his head down, silently crying. Our daughter is still in my car running. I ask him “Why?” He tells me again I’m not gonna like it. I tell him I want whatever reasoning he can pull from his ass to think cheating is okay. He tells me he was role-playing with them because he knew I didn’t like the same kinks as him. Really? What f’ing kinks? He begrudgingly tells me.

Now, I am a very level person even when I’m angry, This man has made me angry before- but never enough to hit him. At least, not until that moment. I slapped him, hard- and he didn’t fight me. I asked him when he ever ran these kinks by me. He said he tried but with how the prior conversation went he didn’t think I was into it. That’s why he was role-playing with them.

“Congratulations, dummy! You played yourself because I have those kinks too and was gonna ask to play them out when we moved in here!”

He deleted the app and conversations.

We’re now approaching month 3 since “the incident.”

Since then, I have downloaded whisper to see what it was about (1/10, not impressed.) because anything you post is sexualized. I haven’t seen anything on his phone since and every time I ask he shows me immediately. He knows I hate being paranoid but he also knows he royally fucked up. (If you know me, I am through and can find just about anything.) I was NEVER paranoid before that. I never checked his phone or was suspicious, but now I have a tiny voice inside that says “lets just make sure.” And I HATE IT. I have fought off the urge to check because he hasn’t done anything wrong since that moment. 

To make matters worse, exactly 2 weeks after that incident I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child. When I told him he cried, I asked him why and he said “babe, I cheated on my pregnant girlfriend... I kind of feel like a major Piece of Shit at the moment...” and it struck me hard because it was true...

Am I crazy? The day after it happened I told him I don’t trust him, and don’t know how I’m gonna be able to from now on. He told me he deserves it. He’s apologized numerous times, and in numerous ways. He’s said how he doesn’t want to do it again because he feels like a jackass- had he known I share those kinks or pushed the topic a little harder he never would have.

Just to clarify- HE DID NOT KNOW ANYONE HE WAS SEXTING ON WHISPER. IT WAS ONLY ON WHISPER. I saw the messages, no phone numbers or personal info was exchanged- not even photos. Just strictly role-play.

I believe he is sorry. I firmly believe he is terrified because I could walk away with the kids at any moment if I even sense he is cheating(he has been warned). He didn’t think I would come back that night after I slapped him. He thought we were done after I drove off a second time. He’s only told his best friend and dad- who both told him how incredibly dumb it was of him to do it because I’m a good partner to him- cooking, cleaning, not a complete psycho, etc. So I at least know his circle wasn’t cheering him on for his actions. He doesn’t get mad or upset when I ask him to show me his phone or I tell him to “prove it.” There isn’t a fight or argument in that area of our relationship. I finally started trusting him enough to have sex and it’s been great.

He asked me why I stayed. I told him he didn’t deserve the chance, but I was doing it for my daughter and I. I didn’t want to end the relationship over it, because that also meant my daughter’s (and now son’s) family dynamics would change. If it was a consistent thing over the years I would’ve been gone, but I have two children to consider in the relationship as well. I’m willing to give a second chance but there wouldn’t be anymore chances. If I catch him cheating again, we are done.

I’m just... it’s almost been three months and I am still having the hardest time trusting him. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t realize it would be so hard....

Personally I think I’m still in shock he even did it, because we were together so long without any cheating... I just want that little voice in my head to stop because my gut is telling me to trust him. He never physically cheated, and it never went past that stupid app- he never asked the girls/strangers their names (i saw the messages so I can confirm). He’s still making up for it, and to his credit he is doing a good job building me back up, and I don’t let him beat himself up over it. I’m just stuck with the paranoid feeling to check on him, and I hate it because I was never like this before...

Who has stayed with a boyfriend who only cheated in one isolated incident like mine? How did it go? Were children involved in the relationship? Where did it lead your relationship? Did you move past it or does it still hurt?