What to do?

So I’m struggling right now. This is my first pregnancy, and it’s by far not the way I had planned for my life to go. Although that’s true, I’ve always wanted to be a mama nevertheless. Me and the guy aren’t together, but I had expressed how bad I wanted him at my first appointment. He came, even drove, but we wounded up being late 🤦🏻‍♀️, so I had to reschedule. He knew about the rescheduled date which was like three days from the original (yesterday).

Well he ended up asking me how I was doing Wednesday morning, and I told how him I was.... pissed at my aunt because she sat down beside me and lit a cigarette and held it in her left hand (she’s right-handed). I was on her left side. Of course, I got up and just went back in the bedroom. I’m like, “fuck watching tv now and trying to cool down.” Well, he proceeds to tell me how I’m overreacting and that I shouldn’t be mad about her lighting a cig in her own house. That wasn’t the point I was trying to make. I never said she shouldn’t do what she wants in her own house, but the fact that she chose to sit by me and smoke a cigarette while also having it in my face is what bothered me. It made me feel like he thinks the baby’s health nor mine doesn’t matter. Like, I know the baby isn’t here yet, but hopefully all mothers and fathers will do their best to make sure the baby is as healthy as possible when they’re ready to say “wassup, world?!” At least, that’s what I want.

Well, eventually he ended up saying that me overreacting is exactly why he doesn’t wanna date me. I told him that if that’s the case, then I don’t want to be with another person who isn’t capable of being there for me or at least trying to hear my feelings out without saying I’m overreacting off gate. Ya know? I guess what I’m saying is, I truly think he’s an emotionally unavailable person and I definitely can’t handle that. I’m an emotional, empathetic person 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. It’s terrible, but also a good thing in ways. Then he said that that’s why I wouldn’t have a solid relationship because I’ll always be stuck on my ex (he’s the reason why I said “another person” above). Now, who wants to be with someone who reminds them of their ex? I was always there for my ex, but I couldn’t go to him about anything and damn sure couldn’t express my feelings when we were having problems or if I needed to confide in him. Now, you’re probably thinking, why would you lay down with a person who you know is like this? Well funny story, I thought he had changed 🤷🏻‍♀️. We dated for a little bit early last year. This pregnancy wasn’t planned, but somehow we ended up together on New Years (again) and that’s that. Then we tried to make things work, but somehow life and everything else just didn’t get us that far, and then I found out I was pregnant after being almost 3 months along.

Anyways, I didn’t wanna argue because it was going no where, so I told him bye for the third time and he stopped replying which is what I wanted. I deleted the thread because that’s how I am. I don’t need negative energy sitting in my phone. Now, back to the beginning. So, he knew about my rescheduled appointment. I figured, well if it’s important to him, he’ll still want to go with me or at least say something regardless if we got to arguing or not. He didn’t. He didn’t even come, he missed it. Maybe I should’ve asked him just in case he forgot or just to let him know that I still wanted him to go? And now I’m struggling with sending him a text about the baby’s heartbeat. I know it might sound lame or not that big of a deal, but it’s really hard cause I truly wanted him to go with me even though he couldn’t come in with me because of COVID-19. I’m already in my feelings because it was my first appointment and they didn’t do an ultrasound 😢. It sucks because I probably won’t do a gender reveal, which is okay, but I’ll know the gender before I even get to see my baby 😭.

Should I just send him a text about the baby’s heartbeat (160)? And just let him know the baby is fine and that we should know in about two weeks what the gender is? Please help!