All up in my feels at the moment and this is the place I can be real...

Ttc 14 years....no luck with ex who now has 4 kids, no luck with hubby who has child from previous relationship

It is me....I am the issue, many health issues come to find out, so long battle with continuing fertilty issues and trying to move on.

I want to move on so bad, yet I want to be a mommy to a child of my hubby and me. Selfish...I know...but you don't always get what you want anyways.

So karma is a bitch or something..

Trying to move forward, to become certified foster/adoption parent to fill the void, the help those in need, to give my love to those who need it most because I can't give it to myself knowing I'm a huge fault.

Watching movies like instant family and then Netflix trials of Gabriel Fernandez... Soooo many of us just want children, then there's this shit.... Makes me sooo angry, sooo upset....😭😭 how could you do this?

Anybody I know to ever go through this knock I'm my door, I'm here, no questions asked....no response either

I sit here everyday, every DAMN day praying for my health to change, for a child, for a family of sorts...nothing, for 14 years, nothing but animals, which is okay, but not filling my emptiness.

Wtf...this Netflix shit...I just...😭😭, please God, let me be the one who can help,...I'm not super religious....maybe that's why....I pray, ive been baptised, I do the best I can, seriously, what is sooo wrong with me I just can't.....

Fostering seems to be a goal I may never reach, we don't have the support system others do, we don't have the finances others do, but we have ample love...why is that never fucking enough???

What will come, right now I don't know....I just want to love kids, I want us to grow, I want what never seems to come....

To be continued....