He HATES morning “fun” and I feel gross

So something I learned early on in our relationship that my boyfriend hates any type of sexy things when he wakes up.

He never tells me when he goes to bed and typically texts me after he’s been up for an hour or so.

His most recent one was when I texted him at 8 I had an idea of what we could do next time we had sex.

Next morning around 9:50 he asked what it was, so like he knows it’s gonna be sexual.

I send him this:

And he’s like “baby, it’s not even ten yet, chill”

And I think he’s just joking cause I kinda am honey a lot and I explained well I found it last night and he asked

And he goes:

You could have just told me, I just woke up.

How was I supposed to know? He’s usually up at 6 or something.

I feel very uncomfortable sending pics or sexting, as he’s made it clear he doesn’t like to get pics without prior knowledge and whenever we try sexting he always passes out, and it his idea!

I kinda understand, he’s big down their so if he gets a boner, it can’t be hidden.

I love our fun convos but come on! Everytime I bring sexy things up he shoots me down since this pandemic started.

It’s gotten worse since I found out I have HPV, I just turned 21 and was able to get in March to be tested, as when I talked about us having sex, almost a month after I found out and told him, he said he wasn’t comfortable doing it anymore and wanted to use protection.

We’ve had unprotected sex for 4 months, pretty sure it won’t change anything now. But I agreed and said I understand.

I gave him space, I never bring it up, but I can’t help but feel gross and unsexy. I know for a fact he think I gave it to him and I think he thinks I lied when I said I was clean. I believed I was clean, as I only had unprotected sex and few times with people I trusted and knew were clean, obviously they weren’t but still.

He almost berated me over text, to the point I cried, he didn’t know, and then tried sexting me. Then he fell asleep

It was scary for both of us, I did my research, I know I’m fine, but he panicked, is still panicked, and acts like I gave him AIDs almost.

I’m sorry y’all this turned into a rant. I love my boyfriend, I really do, we just hit a rough patch this month with this pandemic and such.