We've only been married a few months. We have kids as well. I knew he had two affairs before we got married but I naively chose to forgive him. The last affair happened in April of last year. This last few weeks have been hard. The quarantine and it being the anniversary of the cheating has taken its toll on my mind. I've been crying so much. It has been hard. My husband admitted to me today that those almost eight years we spent together before marriage, he was just wasting my time. He said he was selfish. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but why now? I am angry. Now I feel like everything was fake. I feel disgusted and disappointed in myself. Why am I not enough? Is this marriage even real? I don't understand. I am tired. My body, my mind. I wish I was gone. I can't handle anymore pain.

I am going back to my doctor soon..