We lost our baby at 8 weeks on Easter 🥺 I need mental advice..

Mid March we got back from a two day vacation in Gettysburg to find our house flooded from a toilet clog & faulty plunger on the 3rd level. The water made its way all the way down to the basement & caused thousands of dollars in damage on each level. Luckily we have renters insurance & they are taking care of us. They put us in a hotel apartment suite. We were upset about our house but super surprised & excited when I took a pregnancy test that came back blazing positive. We felt blessed in the midst of chaos. We made the decision to go home because of the pandemic & make the best of living in our torn apart house. It felt like the safest decision. Our house was put on hold & still is.. at least until everything reopens. April 1st we had our 1st sonogram. I was 6w2 days. Baby had a heart-rate of 111bpm. My hcg was 2271 at 4 weeks with a progesterone level of 13.4.. I’m now 30 years old. My very first pregnancy 9 years ago was a chemical. I then went on to have a healthy beautiful daughter who is now 7. I feel like a fool for announcing so soon.. I know I can carry full term so I didn’t have any doubts.. 6 days ago I started spotting after sexual intercourse & had minor cramps. My Dr said that spotting after intercourse is normal & since my ultrasound looked great, chance of miscarriage is 1%.. that eased my mind.. He told me to call him back if the bleeding persisted & the pain got worse. Each day the bleeding & pain did get worse. It was Friday when I called him back hoping to be seen but they closed early for Easter weekend. I didn’t want to go to the hospital because of the virus & knowing that if I am having a miscarriage.. there is nothing they can to do stop it. I decided to wait it out. Easter Sunday came & the pain was unbearable. I felt terrible disturbing my Dr during Easter. He was very kind about it though.. He told me I can go to the hospital or wait till tomorrow & he will see me early morning.. I decided to wait. Around 3am & I woke up to contraction like cramps. They started 5 mins apart, then 3 mins apart then they ran together without stopping. Since I already have a child, contractions are something very familiar to me. I knew in that moment I was miscarrying. I went to the bathroom & felt the urge to push. I passed my baby in the toilet. It was a pain I don’t wish on my worst enemy. I didn’t feel right flushing my baby. We put our baby in a box & buried him/her in the garden. My husband & I cried together. Even though our baby was still an “embryo” & almost a “fetus” the loss still feels terrible. A huge hole in our hearts. My daughter was so excited to be a big sister.. She was praying for a little brother. I wanted this so bad for her.. We wanted this baby. I have a sister & I know how special siblings are to each other. A life long bond & gift. This miscarriage had made me want to hug my daughter so much tighter. Life is so precious & can be taken away at any moment. I’m beyond blessed to have her. She was once an embryo just like the one we just lost. I often sit here & wonder what he/she would have looked like. I had a feeling it was a boy. & who they would have become.. I feel guilty for being upset because some woman can’t have children.. or they miscarry over & over again.. never getting the chance to meet their baby. I can’t seem to shake the guilt & shame I feel. I feel like my body betrayed me. Even though my logical side knows my body was “doing me a favor” (as terrible as it sounds).. because something was wrong with my baby.. but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have loved & cared for my baby. I wanted my baby & still do. My Dr said these things just happen sometimes.. The cells have to divide perfectly & when something goes wrong like an extra chromosome a woman’s body senses it & rejects the baby. He said if I’m mentally ready we can try again in as early as 2 weeks because a miscarriage resets your cycle & that chances of miscarriage again are very low. That’s the thing though.. will I be mentally ready to try again in 2 weeks? Have any of you ladies been able to conceive & carry a healthy baby soon after miscarriage?? How were you mentally?? I know my emotions are still all over the place because of the lingering hcg hormones in my body.. but.. will the pain of my miscarriage ever get easier?? I feel so depressed. I don’t want to be around anyone.. I can’t eat.. I can’t sleep.. I find myself crying at random times.. & having trouble looking my husband in the eyes.. Ive been seeing my friends post on Facebook about their pregnancy or birth & I can’t let myself feel happy for them.. I feel very jealous.. I feel so wrong for feeling that way but I just can’t help it.. I’m trying to keep it together because my daughter needs me. &&& now I don’t know how to confront people with the truth of my miscarriage.. They will eventually notice I stopped updating about my pregnancy.. Is there any advice you could give me? Anything that worked to ease your pain physically & mentally?... How did you tell people? Miscarriage is such a taboo subject & it sucks.. it only seems to matter how far along you were.. that if you were less then 24 weeks you don’t have the right to grieve because our babies aren’t considered babies yet.. they’re considered embryos & fetus’s.. once I heard my babies heartbeat I fell in love.. It’s such an unsettling feeling being in the 1%..

🌻 Even though you are tiny, you are still my baby. Mommy loves & misses you so much!! 💗🥺🥺🥺