before my boyfriend and i dated, he had smoked weed a few times and vaped. he met me and stopped doing it and we dated for over a year. few months ago we broke it off but have recently been talking again and he told me he smokes weed now and vapes occasionally. this hurt my heart to hear because he never did that while dating. he said he uses it to help with his depression and to help with sleep problems. he knows i don’t like it at all and would never do it. he claims it would never interfere with a relationship. and he would never do it around me or put me in a bad situation.

but like i just don’t like it. i fell in love with him when he didn’t do it. its the same guy, but do i let myself go back to him?

because there are different ways to help him with his sleep, but this he “enjoys” and does it with friends too. i know i can’t tell him to change and if he wants to change he’s going to need to do it himself. but how do i let him know that it is something i would prefer him not to do, especially in a future?

i have had a strict household and have always resented weed and smoking and all of that because it’s just against my morals. he respects that, but does it show he respects it if he still does it? i honestly also don’t know much about vaping or weed.. could it be a phase? could he get addicted? he says he does it about every other night to help with stress or help him sleep. we’re both in late teens and i just feel like he’s too young, but idk. because when he starts college it could just get worse.

he’s had a rough family life (not trying to 100% justify it) but his dad passed, his mom is depressed, he carries a full time job because his mom doesn’t work so he provides for his family who is financially struggling. so i am empathetic where he’s coming from because it’s a lot to handle.

but like i would just be so proud of him if he decided to stop it and find other sources of happiness. how can i show him that? i don’t want to make him choose because then that can lead to more problems. but i need to figure out if it’s worth staying with him and if he may eventually stop in the future and how to make him see it?