In my short 19 years of life, my mother has only apologized to me twice. She always believed that as the grown up and the parent, she didn’t owe any of her children an apology. She may not agree with what she does and says, but she will never admit that.

The very first time was apologized to me was when I was 15/16. I had just come out to her as bisexual. She apologized because according to her, somewhere down the line in raising me, she fucked up and confused me. She fucked up a lot, trust me, but nothing she did could ever confuse my sexuality. She thought different. Then she begged me to be “normal”. She didn’t let me have boyfriends but she told me that I could if that’s what I wanted. She even said I could wear makeup if I wanted, which she didn’t allow either. As long as I broke up with my girlfriend and never dated another girl again. You guys can see why I don’t consider this a real apology.

The second time, I was 17. I had just graduated high school. Started dating my best friend (now my fiancé two years later). She called me a “bitch” and a “prostitute” because I had lost my virginity to him. She said that she could tell because I started to “walk different” and that’s what happens when girls lose their virginity. According to her I was laying down like a “bitch” whenever he wanted me too. What she doesn’t know is the first time I asked him to have sex, he turned me down. He wanted to do things the right way. But anyway, she apologized for that, only because I, of course, started ignoring her and wanted nothing to do with her.

My question is, did your parents ever apologize to you and how often? Also how has that impacted the person you are today? I find it very hard to accept and admit when I’m wrong and I hate having to give real apologies (but fake ones I dish out easily). I don’t like how I am, its like the older I get, the more I turn into her and I hate it.