My first semester of college sucked to say the least.

I was harassed and then assaulted sexually twice by someone who was in my new friend group. My roommate gave him the combo with trust and without me knowing. Afterwards, everyone I thought was a friend called me an attention whore. I lost almost everyone I cared. Once an investigation came through and tons of other girls confessed he did the same to them, I only got an apology from one friend out of 6 for calling me a liar. I tried to warn everyone and I tried to tell them he was a bad guy, but I got turned away.🙅🏼‍♀️

Maybe am to blame. Maybe if I hadn’t wore pajamas that night, or if I wasn’t dressing nice all the time it wouldn’t have happened. I don’t know what I did that made him come into my room and physically throw me down onto a bed. I just remember pain since I had just been in the hospital a few days before for a uterine infection.

But it gets even more complicated

My mother also works at the college and she was the one to read the anonymous report that started the investigation. When she acted on it, the college said she was violating privacy (since it included me) and was acting in self interest. They searched her computer and when they couldn’t fire her outright, they asked her to leave. some stupid excuse about her not meeting standards when she has a Masters degree. My mom has to leave her job at the end of this month because she wanted to protect me.

I am drowning in shame and am being eaten day by day with guilt. I feel it would be selfish to talk about these feelings when my mother just lost her job that paid for food each week. She was our main provider. I’m so stuck. How do I heal? What can I do to atone for all of it? Why me?💔

Thanks for reading girls.