Ttc heartache

I wish i never started trying for a family. I thought it was going to be all smiles and success but what its brought me is just tears and heartache. I cant watch tv without getting upset or bitter seeing babies on adverts, i cant be near pregnant women, i cant live my life how i want it because having a baby is all i want. 5 long years ive had to suffer. And this month i get the nicest 2 lines on a pregnancy test and then i have to come on my period today. I feel a freak and a waste of space