So I asked my sister if I should send this to my parents.... More so my mother. I want nothing to do with them and she just keeps trying to talk to me any way she can. She got my phone number so she calls and texts, Facebook friend requests, messenger requests. I haven't talked to her in months and I don't really care to ever again... But now she's starting to grill my sister and her daughters, who I still talk to, the only people in my family I actually still do talk to, about it. It's putting them in a difficult situation cuz they still talk to my parents. So I decided to write out everything I've ever wanted to say to them. And just get it all off my chest and say my piece and finally move on with my life... I sent it to my sister and asked her what she thought. She said everything in it is so true, but she doesn't think I should send it because it's too honest and would really hurt them... If you would please read it, I know it's kinda long, but I'm still torn as to if I should send it or not. I've been holding this in since my childhood... I feel like I deserve to be able to say my side. And if she wants an explanation for why I've cut ties, I mean, this is it... Should send it? Or should I just keep silent and just leave it?

So I'm sure that you're going to find some way to spin this into blaming Rea, John, even my husband. But the honest truth is this is 100% my decision and no one else's. The truth is I've, for lack of a better term, have been 'playing nice' when it comes to you and John for the sake of my sister and nieces. You have this uncanny way of twisting blame and forcing it on anyone and anything other than where it needs to be placed, and that place is on you. 

What you have done to and put Rea and her girls through lately is just ridiculous. I don't know your side of the story, and I don't care to.  That is your daughter. Your own flesh and blood and you treat her this way. Now I know where your son learned it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? 

   It's always the same story, just different details with you… Use them up til there's nothing left for you to benefit from, then throw them away. I know because you've done the same things to me. 

  The things you say to people are so low and so vile. You treat people you supposedly 'love' so horribly, and you think it's ok just because you're 'mad'. But Heaven forbid if anyone stands up to you and tells you how they feel. And if anyone ever does, oh, how you always make yourself into the victim in the end…. it's just amazing. It's quite a talent if you ask me. 

   I get it though. I've said it before and I'll say it again: meth is a hell of a drug. Both of your brains are fried by now. Of course, you'll never see it this way because, well your brains are fried. You really can't help it. You can't help the narcissism, you can't help the habitual lying, or the selective memories. I just wish that your kids could of been a good enough reason to stop when you could have. But that's in the past and I've chosen not to dwell there any more. 

  But you made your choices as a parent and now I get to make mine. I will not subject my son to any part of what my childhood was like. I see my nieces going through the same horrible cycle that we had to go through and it sickens me. I'm assuming, if you're kids weren't enough to give up your habit, your grandkids won't be enough to get the job done either. 

   My son won't know what it's like to go hungry. My son won't know what it's like to be homeless. He won't have to wear dirty clothes to school. Or be moved around so much that he gets taken out of his school before he even learns his classmates names. He won't know the trauma of his parents fighting so violently that holes end up in walls and glass gets shattered everywhere. He won't see his parents stay up for a week straight then sleep the next week. He won't have to wonder if his mommy is going to be nice to him one day cuz she was so mean to him the day before. He won't know what it's like to have junkies for parents and I won't subject him to it in anyone else either. And yes, that means you. 

  You haven't earned the right to be his grandparents. You couldn't even cope as our parents. It takes a lot more than showing off his pictures to your tweaker friends. And a box full of gifts. You don't deserve to be grandparents to him or the girls… you two are traumatizing them just like you did us. And you don't get to do that to my son…. Not a chance in hell. 

   You failed us as parents. You weren't role models, you were bad examples.  The only reason I didn't turn out like you is because I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn't... You're failing the girls as grandparents too. You're manipulating them into thinking this way of life is normal and ok, just like you did with us. I am so happy and proud of Rea for finally taking them out of that life and showing them and giving them a better one… something you two seemed to never worry about giving us.

   So this letter will be the last contact I plan to have with you. I'm sure you'll respond with some long winded response either twisting me into the bad guy or someone else. But you won't get a response. Go ahead and send it to make your peace, Lord knows you always have to have the last word. But you won't be getting a reply. 

   I hope it was worth it, choosing dope over your kids and grandkids all these years. Cuz you two are on the road to losing them all. I sincerely hope you both get the help you desperately need. 

   I really wish we could have been enough.