13 in love with a 17 year old

so i don’t really know how to start this but i met this guy when i was 12 on snapchat he was my bestfriends brother (he was 15 at the time) and we started talking and being friends and he would always flirt with me and i would flirt back but he’s kinda known for being a player so we talked on and off for a year saying how we miss talking and stuff so last summer comes around and he was working at the near by pool that me and my friends went to everyday of the summer (i was 12 about to turn 13) and he had just turned 16 a few months before and we was hanging out and talking for like a month until he left me for this girl she went to the same school that he did so obviously i couldn’t compete with that so but he broke things off on my birthday and i didn’t even hear it from him first i heard it from my bestfriend (not the one that’s his sister) so time went on and i started getting depressed and i feel in to a really deep hole that i didn’t know if i could get out of or not but i did eventually so i got a boyfriend to try and distract myself from the fact i still liked this boy well everything was going good for about a month and then he snapped me when we hadn’t talked in months and i remember being so shocked, he sent me a snap with a face mask on and it said “remember when i use to make fun of you for wearing these” one of the jokes we made all of the time and i said “did you mean to send that to me?” and he said yeah so we started talking about his girlfriend and how she was “cheating” on him (if she was i still don’t know for sure” and talking about my boyfriend well we started facetiming like we use to and getting closer and then i was with my bestfriend and him and his friends wanted to hangout and at first i didn’t really know how to feel about it because it had been so long since i had seen him but we all went to the river and hung out, then he facetimed me that night and told me how i was being much more mature then everyone there because everyone else was screaming and goofing off which being more mature is kinda my thing because all of my friends have always been older and the younger ones gets on my nerves (even the 14 and 15 y/o sometimes) but he asked me if i wanted to go to walmart with him and his friend that night so i said yeah and it was like 3 am when we got back and i got out of his truck and i said “bye boys” and he “said your not gonna give me a hug?” so i walk back and hug him and his friend gets out of the truck and says “i want one too” lmao so i walk back up to him so i can get my juul and he hands it to me and hugs me again and then facetimed me on his way home and we fell asleep on facetime. and then i don’t remember what happened exactly all the nights we hung out but there was this one after we went to walmart it was me my bestfriend (which is his cousin) and his friend and i was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and it was could someone he threw me his coat so i put it on and then we all got on the trampoline and was play fighting and then our friends sit down and we was still wrestling and somehow we ended up cuddling and god i felt so happy in his arms it was like all the heart ache and crying and not wanting to move on payed off. i thought but he still had a girlfriend and i still had a boyfriend so we knew what was happing was wrong and i tried to tell him that but he didn’t care who got hurt ( keep in mind when all of this happened i was/am 13 and he’s 17) so we kept hanging out and then i started sneaking him in my room and i was a virgin and i had never wanted to lose my v card to anyone before but it was so easy with him i wasn’t scared or anxious around him because when me and my boyfriend hangout i was always SO nervous all the time i would literally shake (he was 15) but i let him take it like a few days after he broke up with his girlfriend and i broke up with my boyfriend at the same time (we had done other stuff but i wouldn’t let him until he broke up with her) his body count was around 6 or 7 before me but we stopped talking because his dad found out he was sneaking out to see me and didnt like how young i was so we stopped talking and a day after he got back with his ex and i was so mad at him but i got over it because i loved him. he’s everything i wanted in a person and he’s not perfect but when he holds me and i feel safe and all of my worry’s go away for a minute that’s truly the best feeling in this life because i’m one of the most anxious people you’ll ever met it’s impossible to get me to stop thinking but with him everything’s different but he broke up with his girl and got with this other one (which is my bestfriends other bestfriend) so he unadded me on snapchat so they was doing okay for a bit i guess then i added him back to be friends because i wanted him in my life even if it was just as friends so i added him and he added me back almost instantly and i texted him and told him i don’t wanna lose him forever and i wanna atleast try to be friends so we started texting and talking again and he came over and we sit in his truck and and went to the parking lot beside the river and that’s the night he cheated on his girlfriend and it was never meant to be like this but i’m in love with this boy as crazy as that sounds and h broke up with his girlfriend and now me and him are back where we started, on and off but we went to the river a few days ago and that whole day just proved i’m in love with him, me him and 2 of his friends were all sitting on the dock and his 2 friends was sitting at the edge trying to get use to the water and me and him was standing up in the middle of it and he grabs me and kisses me and i fell for him all over again so we all went out in to the middle of the river which is pretty big because it runs through our whole town and we was all talking and sitting in the water and he had his arms around me the whole time in front of his friends which is surprising because guys never do that in front of his friends but he does then his other friends show up with the girl he had sex with the night before (his friend that’s also my friend told me) and i got quiet and his friend noticed and said “she’s not happy at all” which he was right but i still ignored it because i’m in love with his dumb country ass so we all hung out the night after the river and we all got in my pool and then we made a fire because was all cold and me and him was sitting on the bench and he had a towel around him because i had already put my clothes back on and he opens the towel and hugged me to keep him warm and layed his head on me.. i swear i keep falling for him more and more and then i snuck him and his friends in my room and we cuddled and stuff i could go on and on about all of this for a long time and i know there’s gonna be age comments and stuff but i really just needed all of this off my chest because i can’t tell my friends or bestfriend because they have told me to stay away from him and snitched on me so many times but thanks for reading