So when I was young, i had a lot of problems growing up. My parents were divorced, and my mom had a few boyfriends. One of the boyfriends used to abuse me and even had his son (who was a few years older) go into a room with me and made him tell me to lick his penis. As a young child, I knew that was wrong so I didn't and was later forced to eat fish food and would get hit when my mom went to bed. Her boyfriend did a lot of weird things to my food bit I was so young I dont remember all of it. But my grandma said I was sick a lot and she suspected he was putting things in it to make me sick. I was young, so I dont remember a lot of the abuse (thankfully) but i remember the night he tried to kill me when my mom was sleeping. I remember him and my mom putting us kids to bed and him sliding his finger across his throat. I remember how he used to come into the room after my mom was asleep and jam his fingers into my eyes. But this night was different and he put a pillow over my face, I remember kicking and trying to yell as loud as I could. I remember rolling and escaping and running into the room to tell my mom and how he told her we were only playing. I often wonder why it took so long for her to realize the truth. I remember how he destroyed all of our childhood albums that my mom had as if to erase my existence. I remember how broken my mom was the weekend after I came home from my dads house. The weekend she realized the truth we were all trying to tell her. But we didnt ask any questions. I remember the hug she gave me so tight. The system failed us.

I remember the weekend I was at my dads house when I was around 13. I remember falling asleep in my room, and waking up to pants being down, and my brothers face in my butt. I remember feeling so violated and broken all over again, but there was nothing I could do. He was a couple years YOUNGER than me. But I was the one who felt violated.

I remember my friend in highschool, we used to carpool every day to tech. We would talk about my boyfriend who went to a different school, or his different dates with girls. I remember driving one dat and how he reached over and put his had between my legs and I pushed him away and he just kept grabbing and I almost crashed... And how he grabbed my hand and forced it on his penis. I remember avoiding the lunchroom and skipping lunch so I wouldn't have to see him.

And now here I am, married, with my beautiful baby girl. My family gives me shit for choosing to be a stay at home mom, and not trusting anyone to babysit. But how could I when those who are suppose to care for us, are the ones that cause us harm? I refuse to put my baby in a position like I was in. She will have better than I did. I will do better than my parents did.