Calm parenting 😩

How do you guys stay calm when you’re upset with your kids or they do something they aren’t supposed to or that irritates you? I have a 12 and 13 year old and it’s been ROUGH. I have never yelled at them, just spoken sternly if they aren’t listening. But I swear i repeat myself over things that are pure common sense. They’ve done the same ONE chore a day for an entire year now and still manage to forget. And they know they don’t get allowance if they forget. Lately I feel like I’ve been so overwhelmed I just snap all the time. I try SO hard to do family things together and keep a happy household, but I’m at a breaking point. I’ve begged my husband to help more. It’s a classic “good cop bad cop” situation every time they do something. He only gets onto them when he wants to, specifically our son who’s 13 1/2. He acts like our daughter can do no wrong and it’s clear how differently he treats them sometimes. We’ve had talks CONSTANTLY about this. He tries and it gets better but then it goes back to normal. I’m exhausted. I’m 34 weeks pregnant and my hormones are getting the best of me. I feel like the worst mom in the world. I know this pandemic has affected them and that’s a big reason why they’re acting out, but it’s affected me too. We have talks with them often and keep open communication fairly well, better than I was with my parents at that age. I feel like I’ve done all I can. They have sooo much to do here, literally there is nothing I could add on besides friends physically coming over which we aren’t doing. We still go to parks and live on a lake so they go outside a lot. Their cousin lives next door and they’re allowed to see her. It’s just constant attitude or attention seeking behavior. I just feel lost.

@ 🍎 We both work from home. I have a flexible schedule and he works 7-3. I will say weekends are a lot easier when he’s off. I make him do majority of the grounding because they just listen better to him, however he’s awful at consistency. If they get grounded for something once, they do it again and he blows it off so they don’t learn. I just feel like a huge nag when it’s always me doing it.