Is she a narcissist ???

Need some insight/opinions please...

Has anyone experienced emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist?

I am asking this because my boyfriend rang me crying asking me questions like do I love him? Do I promise to listen to him? That he had something to tell me but he was scared. I instantly asked him if he had cheated on me and he said no- it was deeper than that.

We met up and he confessed to me the other day that for the past year his ex has been harassing, manipulating and guilt tripping him into meeting up with her. At first I was like *eye roll* boy bye! But I heard him out and he was telling me it wasn’t about sex and it wasn’t how I thought it was. He said they weren’t having sex regularly or even meeting regularly but admitted he did sleep with her. Obviously I went mad at this but I let him talk. He told me how he would block her and tell her to leave him alone, that he was happy with me. She would email him/ call him on private/ make new accounts to contact him- telling him she will kill herself/that he would have to tell her mum why she did it and that it was his fault, that he was to blame for her miscarriage, then that she had changed and was sorry, that she was going to smash up his car. He even admitted that he had to get her barred from the gym he works at because she signed up there so she could follow him.

He said throughout the relationship she belittled him, would try control him- for example take his house keys to stop him getting in the house, stop him from leaving etc. She would tell him he was heartless and selfish (which in the time we have been together is something I would never ever call him, he’s so loving and thoughtful if anything!)

He told me he’s told her over and over leave me alone but she screams back I will never let you go off into the sunset, you can’t be with anyone but me. Obviously she’s also been blackmailing him with the fact he’s been meeting up with her behind my back. He said his reasoning for doing this was because he felt guilty- she made him feel this way over the way their relationship ended and thought he could smooth things out and that they could leave things amicably. He was saying how he knows it doesn’t make sense, that he thinks somethings wrong with him but he thought that eventually she would go away without drama. He said the most recent episode made him realise she is never going away with the way he’s handled it, that she reaches out to him with spaces of months in between to keep control. He told me because he said he can’t keep lying to me and it feels like it’s his “demon”. He talked about how we met unexpectedly soon after they ended and he fell in love with me despite not being able to get over that situation. He said selfishly he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t know how to get out of her grips either. He said he realised he wants a life with me and he needed to be honest.

He hasn’t told none of his friends and he feels embarrassed that a woman was able to do this to him and he is heartbroken that he hurt me. He even mentioned in not so many words “rape and sexual assault” but he clearly didn’t want to label it as such probably due to embarrassment.

Police have been involved apparently and even they spoke to him about getting a restraining order.

He said he wants to be with me fully and he loves me more than anyone he’s ever loved. He said for so long he felt isolated and struggled with how to deal with her and he never wanted to hurt me. He has of course accepted he shouldn’t have met up with her and that he is to blame for that. Obviously I am deeply hurt by this betrayal and normally I would leave a “cheater” instantly without a backward glance- however everything he’s ever shown me has been love and care. We have an amazing relationship- we are best friends and this is why it came as such a shock to me. He said he will do anything- go to counselling, he’s realised no contact is the only way she loses power and by confessing to me he can rebuild the trust and cleanse her from his life.

My question is can a narcissist have this level of control over their victim? I’ve never really dealt or experienced a female narcissist but of course they exist.

I want to be able to understand because I need to know if what we have is worth salvaging or whether I am being a fool.