This mama finally broke

I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby girl. I’m due August 25th. We had a terrible miscarriage back in October. We found out we were pregnant in December with our little girl. It was completely unexpected & unplanned. I was still trying to recover from our miscarriage, by doing therapy & seeing a psychiatrist. At first I didn’t think I could physically do this, I couldn’t go through being pregnant again & possibly losing another baby. It took me a couple of months to finally accept that this was truly happening, but it didn’t become real until we got out of our first trimester. At 18 weeks we had to go see a high risk OB because I have terrible epilepsy, as well as our baby having a little bit of fluid behind her neck when she was about ten weeks. We went in for our ultrasound, and we had a doctor come in to tell us that she has a two vessel cord, meaning she only has one artery and one vein. This would possibly affect her growth & me going into labor early. Once we found this out, we began getting as much as we could for the nursery just to prepare. We also began getting diapers & clothes for her. I was laid off of work as a substitute teacher due to COVID, but we thought with my husbands job we would be able to make ends meet. Then, his hours got cut due to the rapid decline with the prices of oil & gas. Again, we thought we could make this work. I filed for unemployment, however I have had to jump through so many hoops trying to get paid & so far have had no luck. I’m stressing we will not have everything for our little girl & it scaring me.

I have not had a full breakdown since my first trimester. This has been regulated by my meds, and with therapy. But today I broke. I cried because I had a family member tell me I was buying too much for my daughter & that if I can’t budget now, what will it look like when she is here. It has made me feel like I am failing as a mother & that possibly my little girl would be better off with a family that can budget money. I have no friends around to vent to, and right now I just need support to remind me I am doing what I need to for her. 😭😭😭

Are there any other mommas out there that have gone through this that have any advice?