Family Problems

Hey guys, So this is kind of life of death. Hear me out, So when I was younger I was molested by someone in my house (I was around 8 when he started touching me, ended when my mom found out, I was 11) He actually ended up telling her. The way he let came out about it was “She DID SO AND SO TO ME” Mind you he was a grown ass man telling me to do those things. all my mom asked was “Is this true” I was young I knew nothing about sex or whatever so I nodded my head yeah, this lady said “I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON No wonder YOU USED TO ALWAYS GO UPSTAIRS WHENEVER HE CALLED YOU” and that’s it. Basically she blamed me. He was doing Drugs, we ended up taking him to the hospital, I was so young I don’t even remember getting there but I remember being there, we were in the waiting room and I complained about something then my father said “YOU BE QUIET THIS IS PARTLY YOUR FAULT”. Growing up I still kept considering them family because I didn’t really know how bad this was, I’ve only been around them. I had no idea a grown man is not supposed to be touching me nobody taught me. It wasn’t so long After I started developing and figuring out NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR , started having conscious I realized this was not normal and this was NOT my real family. Around 13, I started getting angry, disrespectful and I used to argue with them all the time, they either laughed at me or made it all about them, so I shut them out completely. I’m always in my room, only go out to school and sometimes hang out with close friends. Before I was even 13 like around 10 years old my brother started following my parents footsteps. Drinking and doing drugs, he would beat on me severely if I ever said something he didn’t like, or if I never let him take whatever he wanted from me, he even choked me at some point and I called the cops. My mom got angry with me because I did that, like wtf am I supposed to do let him kill me? I ended up pushing him away as well and keeping distance.

My own father would literally humiliate me and attempt to make smart remarks at me if I ever disagreed with anything instead of teaching me nicely or patiently, in other words BULLYING. Whenever they did this I always fought back so me defending myself gave me a really bad reputation. The same brother I was talking about threatened to kill him self once on Christmas eve. He came in my room with a knife saying all he’s ever wanted was for me to love him, I was 16. Like WTF YOU USED TO BEAT ON ME HOW IS THAT LOVE!? He stalks me in our own fucking “home”, we literally sleep in the same room. I don’t get along with my mom nor my father, him, nor who molested me. They all literally watch my every fucking move and I do not feel safe, they love blaming me for their emotional SHIT. They put EVERYTHING ON ME. I’m not fucking responsible for them. They don’t even give a fuck about me. So I’m thinking about going to a shelter here in New York or In New Jersey. I don’t want to stay in New York because i want to be far away from them. And I can’t go to New Jersey because I have no fucking money or transport Anyways I’m scared that if i do go to a shelter they’ll just reject me and maybe even send me back here, or what if they don’t

Help me, kick me out then I’m homeless as hell. Also I’m 17. I’m trying to be a scholar but I can’t focus in school when I’m literally fighting to survive in this hellhole. ADVICE PLEASE....!!