Is this normal? (please dont judge)

Question

Since TTC has been taking so long and the only news I’ve been getting has been negative I’ve started to feel down but not Consciously sad. I feel like I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore. I don’t wanna get out of bed, or eat, or take OPKs, or so blood tests, or read about ttc, or think about babies or my future. I want to sit by myself in a fetal position (🙄) and just disconnect from everything and everyone. 
This has been my state for the past week and at first I thought ok, maybe its just a day or two sorta thing but its not going away. 
I’ve been depressed before (for 8+ years) and this is similar except this time I feel like a numb zombie rather than a sad one. 
Before TTC my depression got better and it is what made me finally feel ready to start trying but now I feel like I’m back in this hole but its not the same one I was in before.. does this make sense at all to anyone or do I sound crazy?

Answer

I have also battled depression before and have been dealing with TTC much longer than anticipated (a year and a half now). I have definitely gone through spells of hopelessness and depression while on this journey, but like you said it seems different than before and I do normally rebound in a few weeks, whereas with my depression it came and stayed for years. I especially noticed that I would ovulate and then just want to stay in bed, like you said numb, during the 2 week wait. After about a year of negative tests I quit testing early and honestly quit using the apps for a while, I focused on putting some spice back in my marriage because it had become such a routine at that point. Those steps have helped me immensely, especially just focusing on physically and emotionally connecting with my husband and it not being all about TTC. I also tried to focus on other things, like writing, painting, and gardening, and instead of symptom spotting constantly I just chalked everything up to my period. That has helped a lot also because it removed the devastation that always came crashing when this odd symptom I super focused on ended up being nothing. I hope this helps you feel less alone, because you aren't. Baby dust!

Is this normal? (please dont judge)

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