Afraid of sex

Long story short, one of my first sexual experiences was sexual assault at 18. I met this guy at 19 and it was really nice but we tried to have sex and my body wouldn't let me, also I had never done any foreplay before so it was alllll bad (dry handjob bad) and I was so anxious. We ended things after 2months and I blame myself for being bad sexually. When I was this guy I couldn't get the sexual assault out of my head.

Now at 20, if I try to watch porn I feel myself about to cry. When I think about sex I get so scared I cry but also because I'm embarrassed for having been bad. I feel like for me to overcome this I need to have sex but it's quarantine....