does your partner have a say in your finances if you’re not married or engaged?

Question

my partner wants to be in control of my finances when we aren’t married or even engaged. shit, we don’t even live together lol. i think it’s beyond ridiculous. he makes more money than me but has less bills because he is 25 living with his parents and they pay for his food, phone, housing, car insurance, etc. he said that he wants to ensure i don’t fuck up our future so he wants to control the finances now but i disagree. i don’t think you have the right to even suggest something like that until you’re married. i don’t have your last name. i work hard for my money. i don’t share anything with you except our dogs. like if i “fuck up” MY finances in your eyes (which i don’t my credit is amazing and hello like i said, i have my own place and he doesn’t) then leave. a relationship isn’t an excuse to dictate. sorry no. 
btw we’ve been together for three years (since i was 19)

Answer

That is a form of abuse. Fuck that. Mine used to open my mail. I said if he did that ever again, baby and I are fucking GONE.

Answer

“Control” lol even if you’re married he shouldn’t have control over the finances. It’s a partnership. My long term boyfriend and I share financial responsibility as we live together/have an investment property but he has his own money and I do mine and i don’t see that changing. This is abuse and I would have a serious talk with him. If he can’t accept that then fine but you should leave

Answer

Yo this is a red flag. Leave him.

Answer

I WOULD DIE BEFORE I EVER DATED A 25 YEAR OLD MAN THAT STILL LIVED WITH HIS PARENTS AND LET THEM PAY HIS BILLS. wtf are you doing girl?? He is a CHILD. You have your own place, your own money, your own bills. GO GET YOU A MAN THAT HAS HIS OWN THINGS. I dare a man still living with his parents to tell me how to manage my finances. BOY BYE.

Answer

Yeah, big no. Even in marriage, finances are SHARED. Not controlled by one person. The only thing that would be acceptable to me is him asking you what you if you are good at saving money, so that he doesn't end up in a relationship with someone who is spendy. So on that note: where he makes so much money and needs so little, does he put it in savings? Is he blowing his paychecks on video games? I'd see his desire to control your finances as a red flag, that maybe he wants to spend your money too.

Answer

I originally voted yes before reading the whole thing. If you’re working toward marriage, it makes sense for him to have access, but NOT CONTROL. if you’re dating... then absolutely NOT.

Answer

We discuss major purchases like cars, boats, and houses. We expect each other to be responsible with money so we can achieve our mutual financial goals, but other than that, we do not have any say in the other’s finances.

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I agree to an extent. I don’t think marriage is the only reason that a couple should be discussing or sharing finances. Couples who are interested in pursuing a future that includes legal ties, like marriage and home loans, should discuss financial standing and find common ground. He shouldn’t “control” your finances.

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My husband still doesn’t control my finances 😂 we have separate accounts and bills money goes into a mutual account..... let him come at me with some dumb shit like that and I’ll hurt his feelings 😂😂

Answer

F that.  I doubt he'd know the first thing about money management since his parents are still paying most of his bills.  Even if you do get engaged and married he doesn't get to control anything.

does your partner have a say in your finances if you’re not married or engaged?

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