First night home didn't go so well..

This is motherhood y'all.

We got discharged from the hospital yesterday and were so excited to go home. We got here and all hell broke loose; our dog is terrified of baby and barks at him non stop. I had to take baby upstairs and hide most of the evening.

breastfeeding is a struggle. Little man is so sleepy and difficult to wake. He hates my left boob. We can't find a comfortable position so I end up hunched over with a back ache.

His bilirubin is high and we've had to supplement with donor milk. It's probably from the GIANT bruise on his head from birth. My first act as a mother was to hurt my perfect son during birth, that hurts my heart so much.

I yelled at my husband and collapsed into a puddle of snot and tears on the bathroom floor. I dont even remember what I was upset about because the hormones are unreal.

We spent the night sleeping in 1.5 hour shifts because he screams if we put him down. My body is sore in ways I never thought possible. I cant cough, laugh, or sneeze without feeling like my asshole is going to fall out of my body. I can't use my abs which makes getting out of bed and everything else really, a chore. I'm wearing Depends and have to squirt cold water on my vagina everytime I pee because my water doesn't heat up very fast and I don't have 5 minutes to wait each time.

I've cried SO MANY TEARS. My eyes are swollen and I have moments where I feel like we can't do this. But I have the most amazing husband on the planet and we will get through this. I have this perfect little boy who loves to snuggle on mamas chest which makes my heart so full.

Mama's, when you wake up from your 1.5 hour sleep looking like this, just know that's its all worth it to have your baby in your arms. Listening to his breathing, these random little "hoot" noises he makes, kissing his soft face, and loving the ever loving fuck out of him is way better then I ever thought it could be. No pillow case because I didn't have the energy to put one on when I pulled it out of the closet because we need 700 pillows to prop us in various positions.