Sad, but not sad?!?

I am kind of disappointed but God knew what he was doing! My ex (very fresh break up) and I did what most “broke up” couples do when they are not finished with each but decide to have sex when they know they shouldn’t or she knows she shouldn’t!!! Anywho, out of seven years of us dating, this was the first time he cum inside (tmi) I know, wow

! Anywho, although I was not upset, I was like um, this is wrong, but then again I am 38 and I am like well if it’s my time why not...now, before my period came I was having all kind of symptoms that were new (or new in my head) so I took a test, came back I wasn’t...a little relieved, but kind of sad does that make sense?!? Well, today 6/2/2020 my period came...soo I am like okay, I guess it was not meant and that okay... but I feel some kind of way...he is an ass lol so I believe I am saved, but part of me want to be a mom too...oh the life of a woman sometimes...period emotions damn...