Relationship/engagement

What are your expectations?

My fiancé and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We have a 1 year old-

We sort of rushed things.. so that’s a huge factor. I am family oriented and he was always a party game so he always drink always wanted to go out and he never really paid attention to me. So I always try to change him and make him a better man and I guess that’s why I stayed for so long. No he does treat me really well we have her own please his family now treats me better even though that they treated me really really bad for a year and he used to let it happen but now he doesn’t he’s on my side and I guess it’s because my attitude has changed a lot and having borderline personality disorder and made it a huge thing and affect us tremendously even though I was trying to work on myself. So anyways every night I just sit there and think about everything I look at other peoples relationships and I see how happy they are how much they take pictures and little love notes or look just little things that I don’t get and of course I know everyone has a different love language but sometimes I feel like even just bringing me a single flower will make me super happy or a cute little love note or whatever. I packed his lunch every morning before work and I always write a cute little sticky note and he never says anything about it. I always ask him questions like did you like it how was your food how was your day and he said it just goes on about his day but then never really pays attention to me. The other day I was talking to him about how I was feeling and my day and he kind of just brushed me off and he only pause the TV when I asked him like so you’re not going to listen to me. And then I as I try to keep talking he turned on the TV again and just kept watching and half listening to me. He’s never cheated that I know of and he’s never been verbally or physically abusive towards me sometimes he does cute things but not all the time. He always talks about how much he wants to cuddle me and kiss me when he gets home and then doesn’t acknowledge anything with me. Even if it’s just taking a shower together or even cuddling in bed and he lays down in bed and just falls asleep. I know that he may be super tired from work but I’m tired to with a kid. I’ve tried talking to him and trying to spice things up in our sex lives and it seems like he never really gets turned on with anything and I mean anything I tried bringing up the weirdest things that I probably would never do just to see how he would feel.

After I got pregnant he seem to have a little slower sex drive then before I was pregnant which I feel like it’s normal right. So I started gaining weight rapidly and I was really depressed through my pregnancy and that’s when all of the things started going downhill. I went from 135 lbs to 225lbs in 38 weeks.

I now have lost a lot away and maybe I am 15 pounds heavier than my normal pre-pregnancy weight but now I have tons and tons of loose skin on my arms and my stomach and I feel like that has been a turn off for him no matter how much I work out my extra skin doesn’t go away. I even asked him if maybe we can invest in a mommy makeover and he said no just to get my boobs done because my boobs are small in the nicest way he could see it.

The next thing is we’ve been talking about maybe having another baby and he always tells me he wants another baby but he doesn’t want me to be pregnant and I feel like I understand where he’s coming from but the fact that he says that he doesn’t want me to be pregnant makes me think that maybe he wants to have another baby with someone else or it’s because I’m going to get fat or maybe something else but it hurts me really bad.

I know you guys might say that I should just leave him but I feel like when you’re in a relationship with this guy and have such strong feelings and your family loves I feel like I can’t get out I’m a stay at home mom and I have nothing and I’m trying to save up money but every time that I see that money I end up giving it to him so he can pay bills because I feel so badly that he pays everything and I don’t so I tried to help as much as I can ..

Not that he won’t let me work we both made the decision that it would be best if I stay home to watch our son just because daycare is really expensive-

I feel like I’m emotionally attached which I know I am I don’t know why I said I feel like because I am but I just can’t let go of think of being with someone else.

My entire family loves him and his family now loves me but I feel sort of hopeless that maybe he just doesn’t love me and he just feels like he has the need to stay with me..

When he proposed to me I was two weeks away from having having our son and I felt like he was forced to sort of proposed to me because that was the right thing to do. And then every time I brought up that maybe we should start wedding planning or when we should start wedding planning he always shut me down and says that we can get married from years from now or something like that and he makes excuses.

So recently we tried to talk about it again and he sort of seems more engaged but he never seems to be super interested in it or helps me in anyway.

I understand that guys really don’t care about that stuff but at least to reassure me like we can get married whenever we want and start planning and stuff like that.

I even told him that maybe we can go get a load that way we don’t have to budge of getting money for a big wedding but he always insists on having a big wedding.

So I guess that’s reasonable right?

We broke up in November 2019 for maybe like two weeks and he never wanted to get back with me I feel like I had to beg him and he even told me that recently that he was going to give me a week to come back before he officially moved on so he was basically waiting for me to beg for him but he was never going to beg for me

I’m sorry I’m ranting so much it just hurts so badly and it’s so weird to even think about leaving so please no harsh comments or anything like that I just feel like I need some support on how maybe we can fix our relationship because marriage counseling or couples counseling whatever you wanna call it does not really help because he doesn’t engage into it :(