When i was 13 this guy followed me on instagram and started messaging me. I followed him back and he started messaging me and we hit it off. He vented about his shitty life, I vented about mine, we comforted each other. He starts asking for selfies and used the insecurities he knew about against me to get them. I remember that I was happy. I thought it was amazing that a boy called me pretty and didn’t make fun of me. Looking back and knowing I was happy makes me want to throw up. He told me he was diagnosed with cancer and was suicidal and kept telling me that if I didn’t talk to him, he’d kill himself. He kept asking for selfies and when I didn’t, he sent shirtless pictures and borderline nudes. It was obvious he was naked but it was cropped right above anything. He said that I had to send him pictures back and kept asking for compliments. He had a girlfriend and posted pictures of her daily. Somehow that convinced me that he was “just being friendly.”

Then he told me he broke up with her and that he only needed me, and that I needed him.

Because without his compliments and selfie requests I’d never improve my self image. And I believed him and agreed to date him. He tried to post pictures of me and I made him promise not to, I told him I wanted to post first, but really I didn’t want to date him and didn’t want to be on his page at all. He called me his “baby girl.” He started sending those “what would you do if I was in your bed rn” texts and tried to sext me. I broke up with him even though he told me that I’d never be happy and he’ll jump off a bridge if I wouldn’t date him. I blocked him but kept checking his page because I was worried he’d kill himself. Then he posted about his birthday. He said that he finally turned 21. He told me he was a high school freshman. I almost threw up. I reported him and blocked him. I felt violated and scared and I trusted him. I kept blaming myself and I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t bring it up to my mom, because she’d take my phone and ban me from talking to anyone. She’d only just stopped monitoring my phone and started letting me DM my friends who couldn’t text before I started messaging him. I pretended that everything was fine and that it didn’t bother me when I heard someone say “babygirl”.

Recently his account came up on on my page, even though I blocked him, and he’s posing as a high schooler on his page. He even deleted his birthday posts and now his feed is just his new girlfriend. I checked her page and she’s an adult. I reported him again, but after nothing happened the first time... idk

I feel so sick and I’m shaking. I don’t trust anyone enough to tell them, and I don’t trust the police. I feel alone and disgusted. Disgusted with him and myself.

Sorry for the long rant I just. I don’t know what else to do