Help understand my story

When I was 14 I lost my virginity bc some junior told me I should. So I did had sex twice that’s it. Then I was invited to a party with juniors and seniors and some who had failed those years a few times and were older. ( there was home life abuse going on at the time and I just wanted friends idk what I was thinking reflecting on it now) it was like a skipping party there was weed and vodka, I refused to smoke. But I did drink with them. Next thing I know I was making out with some guy I did think was cute but never really talked to him. Then I black out wake up to blood everywhere around us apparently we had sex and I really wanted to ( from what they told me) Then I remember people being mad, and we went into the bathroom black out, then woke up to me having sex with him again. Blood again, he had blood on his face as well one of their friends told me. All these people were friends went through middle school and high school together. They told me I wanted it, and wouldn’t leave him alone. he was drunk too and if I tried pressing charges they would say we raped each other. After this I was called a whore who fucks people while on her period. But I wasn’t on my period at all, I don’t remember having sex with him or wanting to but I was drunk idk. There was so much blood I’m not sure what happen. But I have nightmares about it. I haven’t told anyone anything except my mom who also said I’m a whore took me too a doctor to be checked for stds and birth control. Someone help me figure out why I was bleeding so much??? This has sat with me for years as I’m 23 now. I just want to move on but I can’t seem to. I didn’t even have sex till I was 19 bc I was so scared and didn’t want that pressure or to be touched on that way. Please don’t judge me I’m harsh enough on myself.