Relationship rant.

Hello to those who are reading. I just wanted to vent a bit about what I'm going through.

So I'm diagnosed with mild bipolar depression. I had been in a relationship for about 4-5 years with my recent ex who I have 1 child with. I have a child from a previous relationship of 9 years. I broke up about a year ago around April with my recent ex (baby daddy #2 or bd2 for shorter explanation purposes). We still live together. It's been rough. Some times we're ok, sometimes not. Last year after our breakup, I've kinda stated taking to a middle school crush. Now we spoke over the years but we NEVER stepped out of line. We always respect each other's relationships. Well me and him happened to be single last year at the same time. We don't live in the same state. He lives in another state where I used to live. So anyways we stayed dating in July and it's been challenging. We broke up a few times but idek what we are. He just came this past weekend and it was one of the most amazing times together. He's never came here. I think we're friends because we agreed that long distance was hard? But then this weekend seemed more passionate? Idk. The reason why the relationship was hard was because the fact that I live with my bd2. Whenever I talk to my crush, I get manipulated into being the bad guy by not wanting to be with him instead or not giving our relationship a chance or whatever. Whenever I'm gone, he'll post pictures of the kids and make it seem like he's an amazing father and I feel like it's too make my friends think he's this amazing person. He'll post on fb about "they'll realize what they lost when you're gone" type post. Only my code friends know that back when we broke up, it was for multiple of reasons.

1. He randomly hit up some girl to ask her to be his "f*ck buddy because his fiance is bipolar and doesn't want to be touched"

2. When I broke up with him, he pulled out his gun and was talking about ending his life, he later disappeared for the rest of the night. When he came back, he acted like nothing happened. I've been telling him he needs to see a therapist, but he doesn't listen.

3. He writes in his journal or will send me a long letter about how I make him feel like garbage because I don't want to be with him and rather date my middle school crush.

I really need to move out, but I have nowhere. Part of me feels like maybe I'm crazy for how he's acting, but he's honestly acting like the victim when I've been honest with him the whole time. Idk anymore.