So depressed

Anyone else dealing with bad PPD or PPA? My youngest is now 12 weeks and my oldest is almost 3. I cry every single day. Every day is so hard. Every time my youngest falls asleep my oldest needs help with the potty, a snack, wants me to play etc. Their schedules are so opposite as soon as one is asleep the other is up. My husband is an asshole, hasn’t changed a single diaper yet, doesn’t get up at night, the baby was up 7 times last night and that’s fairly normal. I’m a SAHM solo with both all day. My husband and I have huge communication issues and we just generally don’t get along. I told him over a month ago I’m experiencing PPD, he hasn’t once asked how I’m doing since or how he can help. I had PPD with my oldest but not this bad and I went on antidepressants which made me gain over 20 lbs and sweat 24/7, I hated it and it never helped my mood. I would love to do virtual therapy but I literally do not have the time to sit down and have an in depth conversation with someone alone. I think having this second baby was a massive mistake, I know that sounds awful but being pregnant and now having a newborn has made our marriage so much worse and my life in general really bad. I don’t know what to do. My doctor has never suggested anything other than medication and I can’t even afford therapy if I had the time. I feel so stuck. I wish I could go back 5 years and change EVERYTHING, I want to start over this just isn’t right, this isn’t what my life was supposed to be. What do I do?? Please don’t tell me to sit down and have a heart to heart with my husband bc it will never work it will turn into yelling and crying. If I talk to my doctor she’ll prescribe meds that I’m too nervous to take.