I know. I know it hurts. I know you feel broken. I know you feel useless. I know you’re in pain. I know your heart breaks once you see blood every month, knowing that your body couldn’t do it this month. I know it hurts seeing your friends and family pregnant, happy and give birth- thinking “what’s wrong with me”.

Thinking “how did she get pregnant on accident the first time she had sex??” like I am.

“It’s for the better”, “it’s not your time yet”.. I know.

And to my future child that I am not able to meet yet.

I cannot wait to see that positive pregnancy test for the first time, and see it everyday after that. I can’t wait for my first doctors appointment. I can’t wait to see hear your heartbeat and know that you’re healthy and growing strong inside of me. I can’t wait to tell my mom, and my dad and my brother. I can’t wait to tell your father. I can’t wait to finally buy those tiny clothes that I always walk around and look at when I’m shopping. I can’t wait to find out your gender, even if it changes when you’re older. I can’t wait to plan the gender reveal party and the baby shower. I can’t wait to walk around with my baby bump and show off to everyone that I am your mother. But what I can’t wait the most for, is the most pain ill ever experience in my life, because I know I will see your beautiful little face, and hear your little voice, and hold your little hand. I love you so much. I hope I can meet you soon.