I’m doing it!!!

Got out of my 4 year relationship and I thought I’d be more upset than I am but I’m not because I needed to leave for my mental health. I was so loved by him but I was suffocating and had nothing in my life to myself which is what I needed. I didn’t feel free and I needed to be. I am sad bc I lost my best friend but not as sad as I thought.

I joined a gym and I’ve been doing every other day, which might not seem like a lot but it is for me because I’ve been so sad (wouldn’t say depressed bc I have never been clinically diagnosed but there’s a chance I am/was) for like 6-7 months consistently and was also for a while last summer. I haven’t been able to workout without basically bawling bc I felt so bad in my body and while I wanted to workout for myself I felt like I was caving into society and my bf who all wanted my to look fit. I am getting over them bc I am doing workouts I genuinely enjoy, and it’s for myself. I am feeling badass.

I am getting the motivation to go out and see my friends and new people again. I know this will have its ups and downs but so many times I feel like no body likes me and there’s no reason for people to like me. But I’m learning that there’s lots of reasons people would enjoy my company. I know there will be days I forget this but I’m going to try my best not to.

I still have hard days and I still have really hard days, but the amount of good days I’m having are quantitatively increasing.

It’s been SUCH a hard last 14 months. Last summer I’m almost certain I was clinically depressed but never got help for it and I’ve been working at reaching out for that and just working on myself.

Today was a hard day but I all of a sudden realized that despite it being a hard day, little by little I’m doing better.