I know i should feel proud, but I'm struggling

Hi ladies! My name is Bethany. I'm new to the group 🙃 I have had a total of 5 pregnancies, but 7 babies 💛 First 3 babies are my own, but the last 2 pregnancies were both twins that i carried for 2 other couples. I know i should feel good and proud of myself, but i am HUGE about my appearance. I unfortunately got diagnosed with a thyroid issue while pregnant with the first set of twins so losing weight is SOOO difficult for me. I just gave birth to the second set of twins in May, and I'm struggling with a bit of postpartum. I haven't had this issue before. I believe its cuz my husband and I wanted a baby of our own so much, but because it didn't happen before he deployed we chose to help this couple who had been trying for over 10 years. Im struggling so much WITH SO MUCH. Idk what to do! I feel like I'm going crazy and losing myself 😔🙏