A sexually broken freak?

Question

Is anyone into CNC (consensual non-consensual)? My husband and I have been experimenting with it and I’ve truly been enjoying it but I feel like it’s supposed to be wrong/shameful. Trigger warning:
I was sexually abused from 8 years old to 14 years old by my father. After I finally told someone and he got caught I started experimenting with BDSM with male and female lovers. It was always hard to find a safe head space in normal sex but becoming submissive has always done that for me. I’m also into rope work, sadism (being lightly abused and humiliated), impact play with floggers, and a few others I’ll fail to mention. It took a good 3 years after marriage for me to mention this to my husband and he’s helped me to much with exploring and coming to terms with my sexuality. But I feel like I’m broken and a freak because of the things I enjoy, my husband and I do enjoy vanilla sex and love making but I always enjoy our play sessions for than anything. I worry that if anyone would figure out they’d be disgusted with me and disown me out of their life...has anyone been through this

Answer

It's actually pretty common for sexual abuse victims to enjoy bdsm and explore that world. I can tell you it's perfectly fine and you are not broken. I was raped in college and i enjoy all of those things too but didn't before. It's a part of you taking control of your sexuality. No one has to know about it other than you and your husband. That is for the two of you to share. You are not broken ❤

Answer

There isn't anything wrong with you. People can be into whatever they want and as long as you and your husband keep the lines of communication open about what you like and don't like or want to try you are fine. There's no need to discuss this with anyone besides your huaband.  Keep your sex life private if you're worried about judgment from others.

Answer

As someone who’s been through a similar sexual assault i actually found it healing to become a submissive, everyone sees it as the dominant having all the control but with proper practice it’s actually the submissive with all the control. I’m only a submissive in the bedroom and we have our limits in place before each session as well as safe words, some sessions I choose to push my soft limits or take away some limits while other times I need to add limits. No one who saw me would guess i like to be “beat around” and humiliated during sex especially those who know my past but honestly it’s the best sex I’ve ever had, most of my friends never had an orgasim while I’m walking away from sex with at least 5-10 or sometimes more, but they’d still call me disgusting for what I enjoy 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

As someone coming from the same type of background and sexual interest what I can say is, you're not broken, you're not a freak. If this is how you feel safe and comfortable expressing your sexuality and your partner consents then there is zero wrong with you. 
While I say this, I also advise some sort of therapy for the past trauma to make 100% certain this is really you. ❤️❤️

Answer

It sounds like you need therapy. BDSM and other similar sex preferances can be completely normal and healthy; however, because yours is likely due to past trauma, you need to deal with that trauma outside of your sexual life.

Answer

It’s nobody’s business what happens in your bedroom. If they find out and don’t like it, fuck them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Youre not broken, youre normal.

Answer

While it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in, I’m a real human and accept that everyone is different and into different things. Both you and your husband are on the same page about it and that is truly all that matters! Don’t stress yourself out by overthinking what others think. I’m sure there’s something they’re into that they don’t say as they fear being judged too. 
Just know if someone treats you differently because of your interest then that says more about them than you 💜

A sexually broken freak?

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