It's taken me a LONG time to come to terms with my daughter's birth... I still have intense emotions and sometimes have flashbacks to this day that ramp my anxiety to an 11. But I am finally ready to share:

My daughter was born on July 22, 2019. She was 5 weeks early and came via emergency c-section due to fetal tachycardia and lack of fetal movement. I went into the ER thinking they would send me home, and then, BAM, she was born. She didn't cry when she was born, and I remember praying out loud for her to make any sound as I couldn't see her. All I saw was that blue divider... I could hear the nurses calling out her APGAR scores... 2.

.. 2.... 2.... Then I heard them say they had to intubate and then she was takento the level 2 NICU. After being stitched back together, I was informed she needed a level 3 NICU, so she was being transported 45 minutes away. Because of this, I didn't even get to touch her till 3 days later when I was discharged from the hospital I delivered at and went to the hospital they transported her to. Found out that same day that she had been born with a blood clot near her right kidney, and was told that she probably had the clot for days prior to when I felt something was off... was told if I hadn't gone in when I did she wouldn't be here... that I was lucky... the guilt I felt.... That I feel...

NICU was an intense place. She was there for 24 long days just to finally be told the clot was a fluke... That the damage to her right kidney caused the kidney to be not functioning... It was a rollercoaster...

We dealt with 4 months of blood thinners getting injected twice daily... We go to pediatric nephrologist appointments annually now...

...

She is now a thriving, functioning, happy little girl who brightens the world every morning with her smile.

If you have made it this far, then you're a trooper. Momma instincts are always right. And I can't believe my 4 lb baby turns 1 on July 22. DX

The picture below is the 5 minutes I was allowed to look at her for before hospital transport took her to the other hospital.

This picture is from the 4th of July. :)