My bf and I have been dating for 8.5 years (hs sweethearts). Since we started dating, he’s never really opened up. He had a rough childhood and just recently we found out his own mom was stealing money from him. To make matters worse, she recently got married to this guy she’s known for a few months because he has money (within a year she’s traveled all over Europe, he bought her a brand new car, new house, and all new furniture). She’s chosen her new husband over her own two kids and she told them “she’s done being a mother and now she’s a wife”?

Anyways, he’s had it really tough and a few months ago I told him he should try to open up more with me. When he’d be down or be in a funk, I’d try to get him to talk to me about what’s really wrong and sometimes he would. Well today he was in a really sad funk and no matter what I tried to do, I couldn’t get him out of it. It was my little sister’s graduation party and he left in the middle of it because he wasn’t feeling great. He picked me up later tonight and when we got home he broke down. He said that he can’t remember when’s the last time he’s cried this much and that opening up has him feeling all these emotions that are just making him feel depressed. He started shedding tears (he rarely ever cries) and he said that he’s used to numbing everything out because it’s helped him. But that opening up has made him feel really sad or depressed about things he never used to feel that way about.

I tried my best to cheer him up and I thought that it worked but around 3am he woke me up because he kept tossing and turning...he couldn’t sleep. And that’s when I just felt like crap.. he’s depressed or just really sad and I feel like it’s all my fault. I thought getting him to open up would help but all it’s done is break him down. I told him he didn’t need to open up if it truly makes him feel that way but even after trying to comfort him...he still looked very sad. It’s 4am now and he’s drifted off to sleep but I’m up and just so confused...I feel like I broke him and I can’t even help him out of this situation. I feel lost about how I can fix this. And he’s not into therapy (bad experience) so I feel at a loss.

I was very depressed and suicidal last year so I know how bad depression can get. the pain I see in his eyes...I can’t help but to feel like I caused it.

Is there anything I can even do?...I feel like when I talk about it, I’m only hurting him more. But I can’t ignore it either. When I told him I wanted to make him happy or just be there for him, he told me to just be me but how can I when he’s feeling down. How can I tell jokes or play wrestle with him or be affectionate when he looks like he’s going to break any second? If I was his other half, if we were meant to be, he would be happy. But these past few weeks I knew something was wrong yet I couldn’t figure out... and now I feel like I have no one to blame but myself. He doesn’t but how am I supposed to not feel at fault?....