Stressed TF out

It’s midnight and in 5 hours I have to be at the hospital for my first c section. Im not ready. Im so nervous, scared, emotional. I just feel like a wreck. All i want to do is cry, i cant sleep. I’ve had two natural labors before this and never once felt like this . Not even when I went to be induced.

My labors were both natural med free so Ive never even had an epidural. This will also be my first surgery and I will be alone. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen and Im going to die on the table or something. Im so used to easy labors, no tearing so im definitely not prepared for this or the recovery.

I just found out about the c section a few days ago but sometimes i wish I would’ve just been pulled into an emergency c so that I didnt have time to think about it. I just want this to be over