Sorry if I start venting. Or over share.

I have been in the process of trying to get on ssi/disability for multiple reasons. I have social communication disorder (would have been Aspergers, but they no longer diagnose that in my area), avoidant personality disorder, bulimia, severe social anxiety, and depression. I have a lawyer who says I have a case. I also have a terrible memory and have been experiencing back pain when I do just little things like washing dishes. I think I have fibromyalgia because my doctor said she couldn’t see anything in the X-ray that could be causing pain.

I recently discovered a few work from home jobs that require little to no human interaction, but they do require college education. I impulsively applied for college and I’m now enrolled starting the 17th of August. And honestly, I needed the money that came with signing up for college too. I’m not even fully sure I can do it because I’m not good with English (writing essays) or Math. And having to keep up with 4 classes, idk if I can do that either. But I wanted to try. I know I’m probably really stupid because this probably messed my chances of getting on ssi up. And I probably can’t even do it. I’ve tried so many other jobs, I just can’t keep up or ask for help. I freeze up and go mute. Or I end up really suicidal. Several years ago, I took some pills while on break because I was so stressed. I haven’t worked in a few years. I do paint, and make some money from it but it’s not even close enough to live off from. Like $10 a week if even that. I know if I do get accepted for ssi, I can’t work, but I don’t want to be on it long term if I can go through with college and not screw up.

I won’t get to talk to my lawyer until sept 2nd. Which will be after school has started. I’m going to try and call them in the next week to get their opinion. But I’m not sure if I will get to.

The first time I went to college, which was 2010, there were a few classmates that were on ssi, I don’t know the details, I just overheard them talking about it. so will me going to college affect me or should I drop out? I feel like a failure. So many bad things have happened to me over the last 10 years. I have people message me saying I’m strong. But y’all I’m near my breaking point. I’m so stressed. This coronavirus has made things 20x worse. I lost my husband to a heart attack. A lot of other stuff, I don’t want to go into detail since my post is already long.

Should I drop out? 😰😰😰