Ladies I’m so overwhelmed. I feel like a failure and I just keep failing.

I’m 28 weeks pregnant and I am so exhausted. I’m sleeping but I’m not getting restful sleep. I’m having trouble being there for people in my life. It seems like the more I try to remove myself from stress, more keep popping up. Here are the bullet points and I’ll explain.

•One of my older brother passed tragically and unexpectedly in June. I’ve been grieving him and up until this week I was crying multiple times a day. No one wants to talk about him because it makes them too sad. So I feel like I’m grieving alone.

•A week after his death other my remaining older brother got into a car accident where he was hit on his passenger side door. The other driver was clearly 💯 at fault but the insurance company is trying to blame my brother. So he’s fighting. Every time something happens with it he calls me because he’s upset and angry. It scares me and I get anxious because I’m worried about him. So I’m trying to be there for him.

•My parent’s anniversary was a month after my brother’s passing on July 4th. My Dad wanted to spend the holiday with the whole family because it was the first holiday without my brother. My stepmom made him feel like complete crap and was upset with him because he didn’t buy her a present. Plus that he would want to spend it with other people and not just the two of them. So I worry about my Dad because she’s made the whole mourning process very hard for him. Talks bad about my brother who passed and is just being a brat. So I try to be there when my Dad needs help or someone.

•There was a surprise shower being planned for us by my MIL and a friend. The friend never sent out the invites which lead me to believe no one wanted to come to our COVID compliant shower. Then sent them out after we canceled it. So now what was supposed to be something I had nothing to do with, has been dropped into my lap to pick up the pieces. MIL has been all over me to get stuff done and it’s stressful.

•We’ve been trying to sell our house since April. Our state’s lockdown has put everything on hold so we’ve been paying on two houses longer than anticipated. We’re able to pay the bills but I wish it would be closing time already. Not to mention the new house is waiting to get a new septic system paid for by the old seller. But that won’t happen till September.

•Yesterday I got a text from DH’s Aunt saying that they rushed his grandma to the ER for the 20th time in the past 6 months and 2nd time in 5 days. She had multiple family members calling me to find out what was going on because she messaged them saying grandma had crushing chest pains. So all day yesterday I was on and off the phone trying to figure out what was going on while DH was at work and his Aunt wouldn’t pick up her phone. His grandma never taken care of herself (exercise), is 90, eats take out every day with said Aunt or frozen meals and has had A-fib since the 80s which has now been changed to Chronic Heart Failure. DH and I live 30 minutes away and they act like we live on the same street.

I know now that I have it written down it seems like nothing. But I don’t know how I can be there for our daughter when she’s born if I’m failing at being there for people in my life and just trying to get through life. How can I be there for others who count on me too? I was told pregnancy makes you tired but it’s not just the pregnancy. I’m scared I won’t make it to her delivery date at this rate.