Please no bashing I’m here for a little advice on this very tough decision & I need to vent !!!

So I’m scheduled for a medication Abortion this Friday I’ll be 9 weeks. everyday I contemplate with myself about keeping it or not. I have 19 month old twins from a previous relationship & love them to death I enjoy being a mommy. They were my first so I have no idea what it’s like to only have one child.

Recently I started seeing someone new & fell pregnant within only a few months of dating.

He has been very supportive from jump & onboard with whatever my decision is although he’s expressed he’d prefer me to keep it as he doesn’t have any kids of his own yet. He’s completely ready to start that journey consistently reassuring me that I’m not in this alone. If I keep it we’ll make a way & if not he lets me know that’s okay too.

My concern is bringing a child into this world with someone I don’t know that well. I know this is something I should’ve thought about while having unprotected sex & I beat myself up about being so irresponsible enough to put myself in this type of predicament but let’s be honest we all know what it’s like to be in the moment. He makes everything sound great now but I dont wana get caught up in a fairytale knowing the reality, hardships, & pressure of a newborn he’ll be a 1st time dad so I don’t think he really understands the true reality of becoming a parent. I don’t want him to flip the script when sh*t hits the fan then I’m left raising 3 kids under 4 alone.

My twins keep me really busy but since they’ve been born I do really good with keeping them on a schedule being able to get through the day I just don’t know about 3. Now their dad is very hands on with them as we alternate days of the week with them. They require alot of attention & I don’t want them to feel deprived or like mommy doesn’t love or care about them because of the newborn.

No one in my family knows of this pregnancy yet but it honestly doesn’t matter if they’re supportive or not as I had to do everything with my boys alone & we’re just fine. I just recently started a new job but I’m afraid of being let go if I decide to keep it & if I do I won’t be given a maternity leave. I have a car, apt, etc so I’m pretty stable & the dad also works a pretty decent job with his own as well.

Ultimately I’m afraid of making the wrong decision & regretting it so I figured I come here for some guidance to be smart about the situation. I love the idea of keeping my baby but idk if the timing is right.