My C-section

I had open fetal surgery almost a month ago and I’m finally in my last two weeks of pregnancy. I’m having a schedule c-section, I have to because of the surgery. My first pregnancy I had a vaginal birth. Like by the books my water broke and I pushed my son out. Today me and my husband kinda got in an argument because I was trying to tell him how I feel about having a c-section. I really don’t care to be awake during it, I rather be asleep. I feel a disconnect, I don’t feel like I’m giving birth. I don’t care because I know my son will be taken to the NICU. Because he will be a 34 weeker and he has Spina Bifida. So my husband had gotten pissed at me saying that what I’m saying is bullshit. It hurts because I thought he would be able to understand me. None of the doctor, or nurses really understand me. Each day that goes by my anxiety gets worse. I just needed to vent.