Am I expecting too much?

Question

We've been in a very serious relationship for the past 4 years. We are both well off financially (not rich, but not struggling).
Before we entered into the relationship I told him everything about me. What I expect from a partner, what I woundn't accept. He knows how much I love life, how much I love holidays and celebrations, how much I give for him and what I expect in return. He has failed me.
For my first birthday he baked me a cake (he doesn't even know how to bake but tried) and put candles around the room (his place) and he even bought me a small teddy bear 😍 I was over the moon happy, thinking how did I get so lucky, what an amazing man he is who loves me so much (whole thing costed less than 20$, but I felt like he spent a million dollars because that's how much it meant for me).
For his Birthday, I went all out. I saved up for this ocassion, organized everything months in advance. I booked a room/suite in a 5star hotel, baked him a professional cake (I'm a baker), decorated the room with baloons, candles (fake-flame since it was a hotel), bought him several gifts, chocolates, champagne, rose pedals everything! Everything was color matched (I always do a black and gold theme). I was over the moon happy because it looked like something from a movie scene and I was so proud of myself . I even got myself a couple of quality 5 piece lingrie sets that I wore through the night.
For our anniversary, I again organized a little something, got him flowers and a gift, we went out for a dinner (which I made the reservation for). He didn't even get me a 1$ card. I told him that I was a little upset because he didn't do anything, but he promised he'll make up for it for my Birthday. He didn't even buy me flowers to say sorry, but I believed he'll make up for it eventually.
He bought me a bracelet a month prior (in the mall), so he said that was your gift. He again promised me a cake, small gifts... Nothing! We were supposed to go out to a dinner reservation, but he forgot to make one, so we ended up going home hungry. I felt horrible since he was the one promising me everything and delivered nothing.
His birthday, same thing. I went all out, except the hotel room (it's way too expensive for everytime).
Our next anniversary he forgot about! He knew the date, but had other plans instead. I did a little something, got him some cute small gifts, but he choose to rather go out with friends that day.
This broke my heart. He promised to make up for it, but didn't.
For 2 entire months before my birthday, he told me how much he is planning and how he's already prepping and whatnot. How he is going all out. He didn't have anything planned so we went to my lake house (freezing in winter). Again nothing.
His birthday, I did everything again. He promised to take me to a dinner, but overstayed with friends and didn't have the time for me. He told me he'll make up for it, didn't (all he needed to do was take me out to a dinner). He did enjoy everything at home like the gifts and cake and decorations.
Repeat until this anniversary. 4 years together. He knew he needed to make up for everything, so he kept making promises. I booked a weekend in a hotel in a city he's always wanted to visit, payed for everything, kept it a surprise. The day before I told him and he was super excited. I got him gifts, everything. HE AGAIN DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
I'm sorry but it's the same with valentines day, christmas and everything else.
He's only ever bought me a teddy bear and a bracelet. I have never received anything else. I've bought him so so much. It's not like I expect something expensive, I always tell him what I want, like a coffee mug or flowers or a box of chocolates (it's always under 10$).
He keeps making the damn promises like oh wait until that, I've made great plans, I went all out... NEVER HAPPENS.
He even has an entire drawer of candles which I've bought and he's never used them to surprise me in any way.
It's not like I'm asking for too much. I am sad and angry. Don't tell me guys shouldn't be romantic, because I find it common sense for close people to buy you gifts for your Birthday. Or even a damn card or a 1$ chocolate bar. Especially since you do so much for them.
He has never made up for anything, keeps making me promises though. He always has an excuse, and then forgets.
Yes he ALSO expects me to go all out for him.

Answer

honestly, no. you've made it clear what you want in a relationship. however, he's made it clear on where he stands, based on his actions. sure, gifts aren't everything, but it's the fact that he doesn't even bother putting in time and effort, AND he KNOWS what you'd like and keeps hyping you up. there's a difference between a thoughtful gift/action that happened to be free, and just straight up saying fuck it and getting a random gift for your partner. if you haven't already, i would discuss with him how it makes you feel and how you'd like for him to put in more effort. in the same strain though, i wouldn't hold my breath. it's been four years. he knows the drill. idk why you keep showing out for a man who expects to take, take, take, but doesn't try to give.

Answer

Stop doing those things for him. Those kinds of things shouldn’t go one sided, and he doesn’t get to be a king while you feel like a peasant. I’m also a giver. I’ve had partners that were takers, with no intention of giving back but always telling me and making me feel like they would. If he knows your standards for the relationship, sees you upset/hurt over the same thing on every occasion, now he’s just doing this shit on purpose and not caring. He knows you’re still going to give it all for him, while he gives no effort. It sure as hell is not fair, and it should be addressed in a serious conversation with him.

Answer

Why do you continue to “go all out”?  Stop it. Just send him a Happy Birthday text for his birthday and call it a day. When he asks why that’s all he got, tell him you didn’t think he liked celebrating birthdays since he’s never celebrated yours. I’d completely ignore our anniversary since he’s shown you it’s unimportant to him. Stop spending money on him when he doesn’t reciprocate. It’s obvious he doesn’t care about all that; he completely unappreciative and you’re just wasting your time and money.

Answer

He isn't going to change..  he doesn't care.. he just wants what u give him.. if I was u.. I would find his behaviour unattractive.. a massive turn off.

Answer

You deserve it. You aren’t asking too much. I always try to reciprocate when it comes to gifts and not go over board. As a couple it’s important that everyone’s needs are met, there needs to be a balance. By now he’s supposed to know what you like and how to put a big smile on your face. I suggest you read the book “5 love languages” you two can read it together and finish the quizzes, you’ll know eachothers love languages. I think you know his already. This is a nice way of letting him know yours since he’s somehow clueless or just neglecting it. You can incorporate it to your date nights. ✨ good luck

Answer

I'd be most hurt over the broken promises. He keeps saying he'll make it up to you and doesn't, keeps hinting he's got these grand plans when he obviously hasn't planned a damn thing. You're not expecting too much. He should be trying. You've told him exactly what you want him to do and he won't do it. Sounds like you two are not going to make it without a serious change on his part. You shouldn't have to settle.

Answer

Well you told him what you expected so technically you're not expecting too much.
But if it's so far from his nature in general then it's pretty hard to change.
If it's a deal breaker for you, so be it.
But my best advice is to learn to give something without needing it to be returned.

Answer

I see you have told and told him what you want and he should proovide it or at least explain not make excuses...
I personally am like him, I don't like grand plans and big gifts. I dont like recieving them and I want gifts coming small and from heart, I have told that to my husband. And he is the same way as me. But the once in a while suprises that are bigger and we do to eash other, ar amazing. We usually plan things together tough. Like on birthay or aniversary, we go to spa or restaurant. And we usually take turns I paying. So we always feel equal together, and that is what matters to us.

Am I expecting too much?

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