Idk what’s going on... *updated*

*update* 19 Sept 2020

After multiple trips to the emergency room, a couple-day stay in an epilepsy facility, and my husband pretty much completely losing his mind, he’s been in a state mental health institution for a week now. He’s hearing and seeing things that aren’t there and has been for a month. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong and keeps asking to come home and for my help, and it breaks me in two. I love him dearly and whole-heartedly, but he’s become a danger to himself and others. He did a military takedown on me and held me down as if arresting me while he yelled at the cops he thought were outside (who weren’t) — I’m covered in bruises from this. After I left that night (after that), he was running around our apartment complex trying to arrest others and enter their apartments. He thinks he arrested three of the cops that night (of course, he didn’t) and thinks I would shoot him in his sleep and poison him (of course, I wouldn’t). It’s very hard to talk to him because he often thinks he hears a man with me (when it’s just me and the dog, and not even a tv is on) and thinks I’d cheat on him (I wouldn’t), and it just gets so upsetting when I don’t know how to respond to him saying I’m lying to him, that he can’t trust me, that I’m cheating on him. I hung up on him for the first time ever the other night — I just couldn’t take it anymore, so bawling my eyes out, I told him me and the dog love him and miss him and I hung up on him continuing to ask for “the truth” (which really isn’t the truth but only what he believes to be, because he can’t tell what’s real from what’s not).

I’m hoping the doctors can help him, but I’m afraid I might never get my husband back.

*end update*

My husband has epilepsy from some kind of head trauma and it’s taken years to get him on 1000s of milligrams of medicine that helps him to be “normal.” Before medicine, he was seizing 6x a day, always passing out immediately afterwards, usually having a negative personality change immediately before/during, and he often didn’t remember most of his days. His memory is much, much, much improved, his seizures only happen once a month on average now, and the personality changes have been reduced to about once a month on average, too.

This quarantine has really done something to him, or it’s merely coincidence that it’s happening now. He’s on a medication to help him sleep at night (an anti-anxiety/antidepressant), and about this time last year, it got lost in the mail and he went 3 days without it, and it was six weeks of increased episodes, some of which he didn’t remember, afterwards. One of those episodes, he threw a tantrum, said we were getting divorced, slept on a different floor of the house away from me, and was quiet for a couple days afterwards. After those couple days, he asked me what was going on and then had trouble believing me when I told him. He was clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable with it, but we talked through it and I got over it, like I always do once he’s back to himself.

Now, he hasn’t been able to sleep well or hardly at all in months. He’s had a heart attack and has since started taking aspirin (he’s only in his 30s). He has had at least one seizure in the past couple weeks. He’s been refusing to do anything that he enjoys with me (even watching his favorite movie that we’ve enjoyed together over and over again and haven’t seen in like a year!). He’s been fumbling/dropping things, falling, seeming mentally absent or overall not himself more often than not. And since the heart attack, he’s been sleeping on the couch downstairs (to avoid the stairs), and telling me he’s leaving and we should divorce. Yesterday he said, “I think we should divorce. I think that’s what’s best. It’s not the end, but I think that’s what needs to happen.” He often tells me his need to get away has nothing to do with me, but he refuses to just go away with me, saying he needs a to get away from me. And doesn’t divorce in itself mean the end? He often doesn’t make sense like this when it comes to his episodes, but this has been going on a lot longer than it ever has before. Weeks now. I only get an hour or two of actually “him” a day. He rarely talks to me and is clearly highly depressed. He’s pushing me away and rejecting me to the highest degree possible, when there’s nothing wrong at all with our relationship.

I think the medication that was meant to help him sleep was doing more than that, and that it’s only having negative effects on him now, for whatever reason. But he’s calling me weird and obsessive when I text him at all when I’m out and about, and he even told me a winking emoji in a text was “aggressive.” I’m used to dealing with this for up to 3 days at a time, but idk wth is going on — this has been going on for weeks now. I love him dearly and want to show him I care, so he always knows. But this is driving me crazy! He just keeps pushing me away and refusing any help I could possibly be. I can handle the little rejections, but him bringing up the d-word when it doesn’t make any sense at all — I can’t help but be hurt... It’s making my anxiety much worse. I know it’s not about me and has nothing to do with me, but I don’t know what’s going on! 🥺