I (F20) am going through a second heart break with the same person

My ex-boyfriend (22M) and I met in November 2018 and started dating then, until January 2020. We broke up in a middle of a fight, because he’s told me he had planned on breaking up with me the next day. I told him to do it now, rather than wait it out. He did. Over text.

For the first six months (November 2018-May 2019) we were together, we were great. Had sex all the time, saw each other almost every single day. He was very upset and depressed about things that had happened to him that summer and fall (June-October 2019). First girlfriend broke up with him every time he told her he loved her, and his childhood best friend kicked him out of their apartment over something her partner told her he did to her. Everything fell apart in October, he moved back in his mom’s house and quit all of his three jobs.

I met him November 18th, one night I was lonely. He told me to come over, and I met his whole family that night. They were wonderful to me (they still are, today). It was overwhelming but they were welcoming. We hooked up that night, I planned on leaving immediately but he asked me to come cuddle. And I never stopped coming back to see him. You see, everything was great.

Until May 2019, we started having fights. Almost broke up one of the nights we had fights, but we made up the next day. I just couldn’t help myself but feel neglected when he would choose to hangout with his cousin and his girlfriend over me. *Take note that when he was upset during the months we first started dating, he felt the same exact way. I have tons of college friends, and when I choose to hangout with them over him, he would get very upset and feel neglected. I don’t ever want anyone to feel that way, so I basically gave all my time to him. Gave him all the love he needed.*

June-July 2019, we broke up once each month. In June, we broke up because I had road rage with another person in the highway. He didn’t like that I went the same exist as that person (which made sense to me because the directions kept telling me to go there). He was yelling and screaming at me, telling me he wants to get out of the car. For the whole 30 minute ride, he didn’t talk to me and just texted me instead while I was driving. Telling me he wants to break up with me really bad, and that I should have listened to him. He does have some experience of knowing others getting in trouble and hurt during road rage, so I understood afterwards. But he broke up with me after I dropped him off his house. I was devastated.

I came over his house the next day to give his stuff. But he told me to come in to his room and we’d talk about it. He took me back, and we were okay. No I wasn’t. I was scared and anxious around him because what if I do or say something he doesn’t like then he’d break up with me again? I was so anxious about myself. Self-esteem was gone.

July 2019, we broke up over text. I had just seen him that day. I brought him to work after sleeping in the morning with him. I told him, “goodbye I love you, have fun at work.” Then I came back to his house, cleaned his messy room, wrote “I love you” on a Chipotle napkin on his bed after I made it. Then, at 10:00pm he came home from work I texted him I’m going to bed, blah blah and I love you. He left me on read. I asked him jokingly, “You don’t love me??” And he said: “I wanna breakup.” I started crying. I FaceTimed him and I asked him why, he said he’s unhappy. And then I told him I loved him and asked him if those times he told me he loved me were true or lies. He said they were true. He just changed his mind. I didn’t sleep all night because of this.

We got back together the next day when I tried taking my stuff back and vice versa. He actually asked where I was because I just left a trash bag of his clothes in front of his house. I told him I was at the CVS in front of his house, so he came and asked me to talk to me about what happened. Yeah, I took him back again. We went to the beach together and it was actually a fun time. But my self-esteem was starting to hate me again.

August 2019-January 2020, we did have some arguments and fights here and there, but they weren’t strong enough to cause us to break up again. I told him that the next time he breaks up with me, it should be his final decision. November 2019 was our 1st anniversary and he took me to Cheesecake factory and got me a Pandora bracelet with a heart charm. It was adorable. Also got me bouquet of roses and my favorite ferrero chocolates. It was very sweet. We spent my birthday (Nov 27) and thanksgiving together as well. Also Christmas. It was a great time.

January 2020, he had gotten more political. He said some things like, “Women should not be able to vote because they’re too emotional,” “women can’t do this and that,” and it was offensive to me. He didn’t understand why I was offended. He was literally raised by a single mom and grew up with two sisters, how can he hate women? I was slowly growing apart from him but my love for him was so strong that I wanted to fight for him. Unfortunately, he prioritized being with his cousin and gf because they share the same values and beliefs, and I felt left out because we have nothing in common. We broke up the last day of January.

I was devastated with the breakup because I didn’t get to ask as to why exactly he did it. Then he came back to me in May 2020. He was eager to take me back. Telling me how I still stuck with him even when things were hard and when I didn’t like most of the situation. He said I’d make a good wife. I still loved him so I gave it another try.

We went fishing, as it is his new hobby, and went out on dates a lot. Had tons of sex, spent lots of time together, etc. It was great. Until the same exact issues arises. He still prioritized his cousin and gf over me. I was still a nagging bitch, it was as if we picked up where we left off. I couldn’t take it anymore. But I told myself: “He is still here and that means he wants me still. I should not give up on him.” So I didn’t.

I had planned on moving into an apartment with three of my friends so I can spend more time with him. I can’t officially sleep over at his house because my parents never liked him and don’t trust him and I have a midnight curfew. We planned on him helping me assemble my desk and dresser on August first because he has all the knowledge and tools (he is in electrical school). Unfortunately, he broke up with me on Friday the 31st when I was at work OVER TEXT over the same reason we broke up in January. Funny enough, that Friday I went and met my landlord to take my keys and he facetimed me to say hi. He met one of my roommates and all. We texted after that as well, we were fine. I told him I missed him (I haven’t seen him since that Tuesday) then he left me on read. After 30 minutes, he texted me the breakup message:

*I think we should stop seeing each other. This relationship is not right for either of us. I want to stop now before it gets worse and longer*

I was so so hurt. I cried in the bathroom. He broke up with me over text again over the same exact reason too. I was so devastated.

We had an argument on Wednesday about him going to Hooters. I jokingly told him he was really only there for the boobies. He got upset and told me to stop making problems out of nothing. He also found out I talk to one of my male friends about the hooters issue (note that him and I talked about the hooters issue, but I never got the right answer from him and still felt a little comfortable). To be fair, he has told me he’d break up with me if: I work at a gym - I would be wearing yoga pants and guys would hit on me, and go clubbing on my 21st because guys would hit on me too. He told me he’d break up with me if I don’t tell him I wanna be a stay at home mom if we get married and that he wants to put his name in our house so that when we get divorced, the house would be his. Which is false btw lol

I am thankful he broke up with me because I felt a huge weight lift up. I still miss him. I’ve known him for almost two years and was my best friend.. I love him still but I know he will hurt me again. Even his own mom told me “he ain’t shit.” Thats how you know, he really isn’t shit.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I am still devastated of what happened. Anyone give me advice please.