BF was sexting his "friend"

Final Edit:

I never thought this post was going to blow up the way it did.  I guess it was drama filled enough to evoke a response out of you ladies.  Thank you to everyone who sympathized with my situation and shared your similar experiences.  That’s what I came here for.

For those of you trashing me, my boyfriend, etc.  You don’t know the whole story and are only going off of what I wrote here (which I will admit isn’t that clear because I was in distress when I wrote it…and also wrote it with my thumbs).  I don’t hold your mean comments against you, but maybe try to have some empathy and understanding even when someone doesn’t act ‘like you would have’.  Maybe things aren’t as black and white as you want them to be, and maybe you don’t know 100% how you would respond in my exact situation because you haven’t been in my exact situation nor been me.

I didn’t want ‘dump him’ comments because I believe people fuck up and deserve a bit of grace sometimes. (I know I have and those who gave me a second chance are the ones who allowed me to grow more than the ones who trashed me and told me to go fuck myself.)  If he was making excuses for his actions, dismissing my feelings about it, and not taking responsibility for what he did, he would be on the street.  But he has apologized and is taking full responsibility for his stupidity.  I’m livid with him and he knows he’s on thin ice.  And he knows if this shit ever happens again, he’s going to get fucked up 😊

To clarify some things that people were mistaken about: 

We were seeking therapy before this all happened, not because our relationship is shitty or we’re trying to save something that is doomed to fail.  We are both bad at communicating our needs, and have different attachment styles that lead to us (individually in past relationships as well as this one) to not exactly behave securely in a relationship.  These are problems that are inherent in both of us and would continue to happen in future relationships if not tackled one way or the other, so we are figuring it out together with the help of a therapist.  We didn’t decide to seek therapy as a band aid for this incident.

My boyfriend told me about feeling depressed a while before I found these texts.  He lost his sister around this time 2 years ago and is still struggling with her death, as well as general depression that happens sometimes because brains are shit sometimes. He did not excuse his behavior with his depression, I was just making the observation that it might be a contributing factor – idk if that’s why I was just confused and trying to figure out a reason for why this happened.  When I asked him why, if he’s bored with me, or we don’t have sex enough etc, he said “This had nothing to do with anything you did, or me not being attracted to you, I am just an idiot, I did a horrible thing because I was horny and stupid.” (paraphrasing here, there was more to the convo but I can’t write it all out here)

About me booking up the chick’s appointments, I know it wasn’t the most mature thing to do but I was hurt, pissed and looking for some way to express that.  Like I said in some of the comments, she was fully aware he had a girlfriend.  If she had been some rando who knew nothing of me I wouldn’t have cared at all about her.  They have known each other for 5 years or so (met through some kind of chat engine back in the day when that was a thing).  She’s known about me since the start of our relationship.  Whether it’s true she started this kinky shit like he says or not, she still participated knowing full well he has a girlfriend, and even said “she doesn’t deserve you anyway” to defend sending pics to him.  I don’t know about you all, but I don’t care how shit my friend says his gf is, or how much I don’t like her, I would never send nude pictures to a “friend” if he had a GF, and I would think he is shit for even asking.  I might even contact the girl to tell her.  Obviously, my BF is more to blame since he’s the one I’m dating but what she did was shit too and I don’t have any reason to work on things with her.

Also, the salon figured out something was fishy and as far as I know, weeded out all the fake appointments so there’s no need for me to cancel them now.  The girl asked me to stop and apologized for the drama she was partially to blame for.  I couldn’t have gone in and cancelled them anyway because I wrote random made up emails and passwords and couldn’t remember them even if I tried.  

EDIT: Okay so its become apparent I wasn't clear in my post that my BF did not sleep with this girl. She lives like more than 5hrs away from us and the only time he leaves he goes to his hometown in MS (I know this because he always shares his trip on google). He was messaging her this shit.

So before I get into it, please don't leave comments like "dump his ass" or whatever. We are already seeking couples and individual therapy. I'm not really looking for advice per say, just support and need to vent.

Last week I went through My BF's phone, not because I suspected anything as I trust him and he's never given me reason to suspect anything. The phone was in between us when we woke up and I was just trying to wake up going through it. I opened his snapchat and he had a picture message from one of his female friends that lives in SC (we're in GA). It was of her in the bathtub. Everything was covered but it was still concerning. That night I confronted him about it and he said she sends stuff like that and it's his fault he never told her to stop, and that she doesn't send him anything worse than that. Later I went through again and saw where he suspected I went through his phone (because the message was opened) and was talking to her about it, and she was 'embarrassed' and 'understood if you have to stop talking to me' he said that it wasn't her fault and it was okay, and then she said "well she doesn't deserve you anyway". he said "yeah I don't know what's going to happen". I'm assuming they thought I saw the really raunchy stuff when I only saw one non nude pic. I also saw at some point she offered to buy him chick fil a while he was at work. It didn't sit right with me so on Tuesday his phone was out and I went through it again, back into July and there were explicit messages (see attached pictures) I felt like I was going to throw up. I confronted him about it and he was defensive, I said "you need to tell my what your actual relationship with this chick is" he said "we don't talk" me, "wym you don't talk? You don't talk about her coming on your dick?" I broke down and asked him why tf he's sending those things when I'm right here (we live together). he said it's been going on only a few weeks and that she started it. From the messages all I could see was that he was the one asking her for pictures since her chats deleted. he says he hasn't sent her pics of himself and when I asked why he would do that he said he didn't know. He said he's never met her in real life and had no intention of ever meeting her. I asked him to block her and he says he did. He eventually apologized and said he doesn't know why he was doing that and that he knows it was wrong, that if I dont want anything to do with him any.ore he'd understand, and seemed to really feel bad that he'd hurt me. He told me recently he's been struggling with depression and feeling numb so maybe that was some sort of outlet for him, even though it was fucked up. He said it isn't my fault and it isn't because he isnt interested in me or doesn't love me. they are still friends on FB and insta though. I don't know if I should trust that what he told me is true. I just keep thinking I want to go through his phone again which I never wanted or felt like I needed to do before. I feel like somehow I caused this

I love the fuck out of this man but now I feel like I can't trust what he says is true. He is struggling with depression and while that doesn't excuse it, im trying to be supportive and get him help. I can't stop thinking about him fantasizing about some other girl, while I'm asleep in the bed 5ft away. He tried to have sex with me and I dodged it because I was just thinking about him with another girl.

I'm also a tad bit psycho because I found out where this bitch works (a hair salon) and booked up all her appointments for the next 3 weeks so she'll have all no shows. Normally I wouldn't punish a girl for what my bf did,, but she was supposed to be his friend, knew he had a gf and still initiated or atleast was fine sending him pics, and even said "she doesn't deserve you" the bitch was into him/trying to get him and that's so fucked.

So have fun not getting any business for at least 3 weeks. :)