Help..

Hi. I know I’m going to seem really young but I need to know why I’m like this. This might get long, just please give me some kind of answer I have nobody else to talk to.

I’m 16, my boyfriend and I will be together for 3 years in November. About 6 months into our relationship, we started light touches. You know, he’d grab my butt or something. It obviously got more intimate and at the end of 8th grade we went camping and lost our virginity in a tent😂😬 we used protection!! Now we’ve had sex since then and always use protection and stuff.

I remember when we first started touching each other, I was all into it, but I feel that I started to not want it anymore after that camping trip. Like I don’t want to EVER be touched. And it’s extremely hard for him to get me in the mood. When he does touch me, like my boobs or anything, I’m just pissed off and annoyed. I’ve talked to him about this and he always says he’ll work on it and stop. But he never does. Just last week I cried to him saying I didn’t want to be touched unless I consent anymore and he actually has stopped. But, am I the problem? Not him?? Also, I did get sexually abused by my father from the time I was 5 - 12 years old. (My father is in prison now) Is this why? I told him about that too. He understand I think. Right now, I’m using the excuse that we are too young to have sex and it’ll be better when we get older but honestly I’m lying to him. I don’t think it ever will.. like, we just went to the beach with my family and since I was just gonna start my period (I also use ovulation tracking as an extra BC along w condoms) I said we could go on a walk on the beach and have sex since it’s too dark for anyone to see. But, when we were going to go on the walk I lied to him and said I started and that my stomach was hurting and I didn’t feel like having sex. My boyfriend wasn’t mad at me, I just think he was a little frustrated. Why am I like this?? I just completely bailed on having sex when we had the perfect opportunity. Other people would’ve jumped on it. God, help me. I’m so pissed at myself. I literally hate that I’m like this, I feel my boyfriend is missing out because of me. I hope the saying “if he isn’t getting it from you, he’s getting it somewhere else” isn’t true.